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Latest FromKyle MacDonald

The expression of the self is pushed aside in favour of what we call a

LIFESTYLE

What it really means when someone needs to 'find themselves'

8 Nov, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

Taking time to "find yourself" makes me wonder: if you're lost, who's looking for you?

Generosity towards those we aren't related to does nothing to improve our genes' chances, yet experiments have consistently proved that people of all cultures engage in altruistic behaviour. Photo / 123RF

LIFESTYLE

Why you shouldn't lose your faith in humanity

1 Nov, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

Given the opportunity, and the right conditions, most people will do the right thing.

Politics, of course, provides no shortage of targets for our hate. Photo / Supplied

LIFESTYLE

Jami-Lee Ross saga: It's time for compassion, New Zealand

25 Oct, 2018 8:09am
3 minutes to read

Comment: Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald on JLR, mental health and hate in our communities.

LIFESTYLE

How 'keeping up with the Joneses' can make you sick

18 Oct, 2018 8:26am
4 minutes to read

Kyle MacDonald on how pronounced status anxiety is here in New Zealand.

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald on why he feels

LIFESTYLE

Psychotherapist's concerns about Mental Health Awareness Week

11 Oct, 2018 7:07am
4 minutes to read

Psychotherapist reveals "deep confliction" about Mental Health Awareness Week.

Drinking or taking drugs to excess, deliberately hurting ourselves, arguing with and hurting those we love, avoiding important meetings or even job interviews, can all make it look like we're our own worst enemy. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

The truth about people who are 'self-destructive'

4 Oct, 2018 10:07am
3 minutes to read

COMMENT: What's really going on when we describe ourselves or others as self-destructive?

What I wanted was someone to ask if I was okay. To see past the wilfully disobedient, sharp tongued persona, and offer to help. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Fraser High walkout kids: What we've misunderstood

27 Sep, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

COMMENT: Psychotherapist on why it's crucial we support these student protests.

Some believe personality may even be genetic. Certainly it has been a widely held assumption that personality, beyond adolescence, is fixed for adult life. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

What you really need to know about your personality type

20 Sep, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

The vital element often forgotten when considering your personality type.

Why would women who self-identify as valuing equality actively discriminate based on gender? Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Kiwi feminists discriminating against our transgender community

13 Sep, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

As transphobic posters appear around NZ, Kyle MacDonald unpacks the group behind them.

While Harry Potter ultimately overcomes Voldemort, in reality we can never truly defeat evil. Photo / Supplied

LIFESTYLE

Harry Potter, school expulsions and the nature of evil

6 Sep, 2018 7:59am
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald on the call to remove schools' rights to expel kids.

It's natural to want to point the finger. But the uncomfortable truth is we are all responsible. Every single one of us. Photo / Getty

LIFESTYLE

The uncomfortable truth about New Zealanders and suicide

30 Aug, 2018 7:23am
4 minutes to read

COMMENT: Kyle MacDonald on how our efforts to help someone may make things worse.

Reputedly coined by the right wing British Magazine

LIFESTYLE

Is Jacinda Ardern guilty of 'virtue signalling'?

23 Aug, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

Kyle MacDonald discusses the term and whether or not it applies to our Prime Minister.

Conversion therapy is a highly controversial topic. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Why gay conversion therapy needs to be banned

16 Aug, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

COMMENT: Why would we want to make a vulnerable group feel even less accepted?

There is no doubt that being a mother is hard work. But should you be getting paid to do it? Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Why we need to pay mothers

9 Aug, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

COMMENT: "Why do we not pay mothers who choose to stay home and provide full-time care?"

Images of dirty old men, strangers with sweets and trench coats dominate what we wrongly assume to pose a danger to our children. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Why we need to end the 'stranger danger' myth

2 Aug, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

Strangers aren't the real danger when it comes to protecting your children.

The truth is, I don't know many rich therapists. More to the point, I don't know a single one who does it for the money. Image / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Why is mental health therapy in Auckland so expensive?

19 Jul, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

Comment: "Inequality is toxic. Nowhere is this inequality more obvious than Auckland."

We're all hardwired to care more about our ego and being right than the facts. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Kyle MacDonald: Why you'll never win an argument online

12 Jul, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

People say 'don't read the comments'. But of course you do. Here's how to handle them.

LIFESTYLE

Kyle MacDonald: No such thing as a naughty child

5 Jul, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald on the truth about the concept of a "naughty child".

If enough people do take action, then things can change, writes Kyle MacDonald. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Are you tired of people being 'outraged'?

28 Jun, 2018 8:16am
3 minutes to read

Avocado prices to Trump's border policies, here's what you should do with that outrage.

While we are more connected to each other than ever, we can also use technology to avoid real relating. Image / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Is the way you communicate ruining your relationship?

21 Jun, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald on how to overcome the difficulties of modern love.

Understanding development and the fact we're always playing catch up means we need to recognise that, as parents, we get it wrong a lot more than we like to admit. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

The hardest thing to do as a parent

14 Jun, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

It can be so easy - no matter how many parenting books you've read - to make this mistake.

Some people don't need drugs or alcohol at all to say inappropriate things. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Roseanne: Can medication make you a racist? No.

7 Jun, 2018 8:28am
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald on whether drugs, and alcohol, make us 'do bad things'.

We all need a helping hand to see these patterns, these repetitions, that are beyond just needing to change our automatic thoughts, Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Signs you need to see a therapist

31 May, 2018 8:24am
3 minutes to read

Do you find minor things making you upset or angry? Here's what might really be going on.

This is the fettered underbelly of stigma and prejudice in this country, writes Kyle MacDonald. Photo / NZ Herald, Greg Bowker

NEW ZEALAND

Human Rights complaint over David Seymour's letter

25 May, 2018 8:33am
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald on why he's made a complaint about Seymour's Epsom letter.

When experienced chronically, stress can make us sick, with some studies suggesting that chronic stress is as bad for our physical health as smoking five cigarettes a day. Image / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

The people most impacted by stress at work

17 May, 2018 8:48am
4 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald on who is most likely to suffer from stress at work.

Many people will try to tell you that cannabis isn't addictive. Photo / Supplied

LIFESTYLE

Kyle MacDonald: What we're forgetting about cannabis

11 May, 2018 7:57am
3 minutes to read

Like any process that causes pleasure or relieves pain, cannabis can be addictive.

We need to start thinking about how people, men in this case, become so damaged they wish to subjugate and hate an entire gender. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

The growing concern with 'involuntary celibates'

3 May, 2018 12:44pm
3 minutes to read

Kyle MacDonald on the world of hate, misogyny, contradiction and male entitlement.

There is a danger in comparing yourself to other people and their success. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Why you should compare yourself to others

27 Apr, 2018 9:37am
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald on why the old adage needs a review.

Free speech isn't a get out of jail free card to say harmful things. Photo / Supplied

LIFESTYLE

Why Israel Folau's gay comment is hate speech

12 Apr, 2018 7:30am
4 minutes to read

Comment: Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald on why deeming it 'free speech' is incorrect.

We've become so accustomed to the genre of reality TV, of ordinary people putting themselves through some trial for our entertainment, that we rarely question it. Photo / Supplied

LIFESTYLE

MAFS: Should people's suffering be entertainment?

5 Apr, 2018 8:08am
4 minutes to read

Emerging concerns among psychologists that reality TV shows put people's lives at risk.

Psychologically, the approach confuses the world of imaginative play with the real world in a way that is dangerous and unnecessary. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

It's dangerous to teach kids about gun safety

29 Mar, 2018 8:36am
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald on why he's against gun education for kids.

Sometimes accepting change can be hard. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Kyle MacDonald: Why you can't accept change

23 Mar, 2018 11:56am
3 minutes to read

Comment: Why accepting or tolerating a different point of view is deeply challenging.

LIFESTYLE

How to manage your inner critic

15 Mar, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

Kyle MacDonald discusses what fuels your inner critic and how to cultivate a positive one.

I've realised the truth is more likely to be driven by the pursuit of money than some grand conspiracy. Image / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Everything you know about depression is wrong

8 Mar, 2018 7:00am
4 minutes to read

Kyle MacDonald on where the real truth about depression is found.

Kyle Macdonald believes there is more than head injuries to worry about in rugby. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

The big issue with rugby everybody ignores

28 Feb, 2018 4:21pm
4 minutes to read

Kyle MacDonald believes rugby players are at risk of far more than just a concussion.

A teddy bear at a makeshift memorial in front of Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida.

LIFESTYLE

How many mass shooters have mental health issues?

22 Feb, 2018 8:30am
3 minutes to read

Kyle MacDonald asks: Are the individuals who carry out these deeds mad, or just bad?

Is the way you think and feel unique, odd or unusual? Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Why does everyone else seem to handle life so well?

15 Feb, 2018 8:03am
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald explains why we feel this way.

Kyle MacDonald believes we should be asking victims how we can help them feel more powerful. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

How to stop being a victim

8 Feb, 2018 7:00am
3 minutes to read

Kyle MacDonald: We should be asking victims how we can help them feel more powerful.

Kyle MacDonald believes New Zealand needs to take a step toward compassionate treatment.

LIFESTYLE

Why cannabis is a gateway drug in the right direction

1 Feb, 2018 8:28am
3 minutes to read

Kyle MacDonald on why New Zealand needs to take a step toward compassionate treatment.

We all rely on each other: people need people. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Does New Zealand need a Minister for Loneliness?

25 Jan, 2018 3:24pm
3 minutes to read

Does New Zealand need to follow the UK and appoint a "Minister for Loneliness"?

Generosity is, for me the true heart of Christmas, and it might still be able to save us. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Kyle MacDonald: The true spirit of Christmas

22 Dec, 2017 1:52pm
3 minutes to read

We all need to be prepared to give more and expect less.

Many people now believe that boredom is actually vital for creativity to flourish. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Why your children should be bored this summer

14 Dec, 2017 2:56pm
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald on why it's good for kids to experience boredom.

One of the most consistent predictors of life long success is our ability to manage our emotions or to have self-control. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

The one thing you can do to change your life

7 Dec, 2017 11:48am
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald on the one thing you can do today to change your life.

Increasingly, it looks like stress is one of the leading factors when it comes to understanding the rising rates of depression and anxiety. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Psychotherapist reveals real impact of stress

30 Nov, 2017 12:46pm
3 minutes to read

Heading in to one of the busiest times of the year, it's important not to ignore stress.

We want to turn a blind eye because the truth is too hard to see. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

The real reason people get so angry about beggars

23 Nov, 2017 8:34am
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald reveals what's at the heart of people's outrage at begging.

LIFESTYLE

Kyle MacDonald: The truth about depression

16 Nov, 2017 8:47am
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald asks: Do we really know what depression is anymore?

The work of children is play, and it is through imagination and play we learn to manage and deal with the world. Photo / Supplied

LIFESTYLE

Kyle MacDonald: Why fear is good for kids

9 Nov, 2017 8:05am
3 minutes to read

It's normal to want to protect our kids from fearful things, but to what extent?

Young people increasingly feel as if external circumstances dictate their lives. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

What's really behind our rising anxiety?

26 Oct, 2017 12:54pm
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald discusses what's underpinning the global trend.

Somewhere along the line more and more of us lost our sense of empathy. Somewhere we stopped caring about the fate of others. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

How Weinstein highlights what's missing from society

19 Oct, 2017 10:02am
3 minutes to read

The Weinstein revelations indicate something severely lacking in our modern world.

Are the people who need to be more aware actually listening? Image / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Everything that's wrong with Mental Health Awareness Week

12 Oct, 2017 7:26am
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald asks: What are we actually trying to make people aware of?

Should our children really be taught religious education at such a young age? Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Should our kids be taught religion in primary school?

5 Oct, 2017 10:15am
4 minutes to read

Is teaching what some believe and others don't to young kids developmentally appropriate?

Encouraging people who may already feel bereft of human connection to seek solace from a digital programme is like holding Alcoholics Anonymous meetings in a pub. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Is National right about e-therapy for mental health?

28 Sep, 2017 11:36am
3 minutes to read

English says it's equal to face-to-face therapy. A psychotherapist reviews the evidence.

However, I've been challenging people I know to confuse themselves. There are a number of great political questionnaires that have been set up for this election that enable you to see which parties your values and beliefs actually line up with. Image / Rod Emmerson

LIFESTYLE

Why you'll probably vote for the wrong party

21 Sep, 2017 11:44am
3 minutes to read

Kyle MacDonald on the psychology behind how you decide who to vote for.

LIFESTYLE

What are political parties doing for mental health?

14 Sep, 2017 9:48am
4 minutes to read

All the political parties were invited to World Suicide Prevention Day. So who showed up?

Some people have misunderstood the push for a review and appropriate funding of mental health services to mean a return to

LIFESTYLE

Where mental health stigmas are still rife

6 Sep, 2017 1:58pm
3 minutes to read

Kyle MacDonald: We're quick to judge those who fall to the bottom of society's ladder.

The uncomfortable reality is we still don't know why we have such an entrenched problem with suicide in this country. Photo / Getty

LIFESTYLE

New Zealand's shocking annual suicide statistics

31 Aug, 2017 9:19am
4 minutes to read

Kyle MacDonald discusses the year's appalling numbers released this week.

It's a fine line between taking the mickey and bullying. Photo / Getty

LIFESTYLE

Why are people so easily offended these days?

24 Aug, 2017 7:40am
3 minutes to read

Comment: Has political correctness gone mad? Has anyone asked how pigs feel about makeup?

Teaching resilience without addressing the massive social problems we're increasingly facing is like teaching people to swim in response to rising sea levels. Photo / Getty

LIFESTYLE

Will teaching resilience in our schools work?

17 Aug, 2017 12:03pm
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald on the Government's pilot programme for Kiwi kids.

If punishing those who are struggling to care for their families is the Kiwi way, then it's time to change the Kiwi way, says Kyle MacDonald following Metiria Turei's resignation. Photo / Getty

LIFESTYLE

Don't punish beneficiaries, reward them

10 Aug, 2017 8:08am
3 minutes to read

COMMENT: Punishing those trying to care for their family shouldn't be the Kiwi way.

Many people grow up with plenty of adversity and also find ways to maintain a sense of hopefulness. Image / Getty

LIFESTYLE

Kyle MacDonald: How to have hope

3 Aug, 2017 7:25am
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald discusses the strange yet crucial ability to have hope.

When we're passionate about an idea simple disagreement can feel like a personal attack. Photo / Getty

LIFESTYLE

Do politics bring out the worst in you?

27 Jul, 2017 8:36am
3 minutes to read

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald discusses how to keep it together during the election.

I doubt many would believe their success was down to blind luck, or simple good fortune. Photo / Getty Images

LIFESTYLE

Why do people hate the poor?

20 Jul, 2017 9:17am
3 minutes to read

If we assume success is based on hard work, then the opposite must also be true right?