Griff Rhys Jones on the modern misery of the airport

Everybody flies. Everybody. What with all the cheap airlines, and those package tours and school trips, there can't be many people left who have never travelled by aeroplane before, can there? So why do I always find myself in the queue behind an airport virgin?

It's that bloke who is going to testify against his brother in the Mafia trial in The Godfather Part II. He is standing haplessly, staring at the machinery and looking unhappy. Or a big fat sweaty chap who refuses to believe that he has to