My holidays: Comedian Mary Bourke

Mary Bourke brings her stand-up show I Can Make You Irish! to the Auckland Fringe 2019. Catch her at The Classic from tonight until March 2.

What was your greatest holiday?

I was doing a comedy tour of Cambodia and we spent two days exploring Angkor Wat. It was absolutely stunning and I'm very keen to return.

And the worst?
We went to see the Mona Lisa at the Louvre in Paris. It's a tiny portrait and the room is swarming with tourists and their camera phones. It was a grim experience and I had my wallet stolen while I was there.

If we bump into you on holiday, what are you most likely to be doing?
I'm usually writing one-star reviews on TripAdvisor. I love to complain about everything.

If we could teleport you to one place in New Zealand for a week-long holiday, where would
it be?
I would camp out in the Classic Comedy Club in Auckland and watch all the amazing Kiwi comedians. I'm a huge fan of The Fan Brigade — those girls are crazy funny.

How about for a dream holiday internationally?
I have never been to South America and I'd love to go to Argentina and learn how to dance the tango.

What's the dumbest thing you've ever done when travelling?
I went to the States and forgot to pack my own tea. As an Irish person, I'm not allowed to leave the country unless I have an adequate supply of my own teabags. The tea in America is usually served lukewarm with a wedge of lemon. It's unspeakably vile.

Aisle seat or window seat?
I'm always in the window side. I love looking out at the clouds, I find it very soothing.

Complete this sentence: I can't travel without ...
Earl Grey teabags.

What's the best travel tip you've ever been given?
Take an Ambien if it's a long-haul flight and always bring your own blanket and pillow. Spritz your pillow with lavender and you'll sleep like a baby.

What was the most memorable meal you've had while travelling?
I had a steak in Austin, Texas that was the size of a hub cap. I still dream about it.

What's the best thing you've brought back from a trip?
My husband! We were married in Las Vegas by the real Elvis Presley. I refuse to believe he was an impersonator.

Favourite airport to land at?
I love flying into Heathrow because it means I'm finally home and I can have a "nice cup of tea". I'm slightly obsessed with having a "nice cup of tea".

What's the next trip you've got planned?
I'm flying back to London. I've been touring for six weeks and I still have jet lag.