SuperShorts: Walk tall

A lifelong Manchester United fan, Private Dave Tatlock glowed with pride as he carried the League Cup out on to the Wembley pitch for the final between his side and Aston Villa in February. For months, the Afghanistan veteran had practiced for the big day by walking around carrying a vase. He did so without the use of the crutch he had relied upon since being wounded in action in 2008.

Tatlock was hit in the spine by shrapnel when an Apache attack helicopter mistakenly opened fire on British troops. Doctors feared he might be paralysed, but the brave paratrooper surprised them all by fighting back to walk with the aid of a stick. So on his big day, he put the stick aside and carried the Cup on to Wembley - good lad.

The British armed forces insurers, Abacus, were almost as surprised as his doctors to see Tatlock walking without his stick. So surprised, in fact, that they cancelled a £25,000 insurance payout.

"I trained for weeks carrying vases around my house. I managed to carry the trophy that day and didn't fall. I was so proud."

Abacus are backpedalling: "We are looking into David's case. We have no desire to wriggle out of paying a claim if it is due."

Not a stripper

Team Tiger are on full alert. While the rogue shagger played around - sorry - played a round to practice for the Masters, one of his bodyguards mistook a nearby female fan for porn star, stripper and ex-Woods rider Joslyn James. "Excuse me, ma'am," he said politely. "Are you the stripper?"

The fan - who was most definitely not a stripper - was speechless until the bodyguard (who carried photos of Tiger's ex-floozies in case one tried to gatecrash his comeback) realised his mistake and apologised.

Selfless Sven

Sometimes you take on a job just to help out; to do your bit in the community regardless of a low salary. It's not always about greed and money, y'know.

Enter Sven Goran Eriksson. The ex-England coach has rolled up his sleeves to help out the Ivory Coast at the World Cup. As manager of the Elephants, Sven will be struggling along on just $48,000 a day for the duration of his three-month contract.

Since you asked, the average daily wage for Ivorians is $6.50.

"I don't think I am paid that well," says Sven. "But I am happy."

Truly, charity is its own reward.

Gracious Phil

Phil Mickelson came over all gracious when given the chance to knife Tiger this week. "He doesn't owe me an apology," said Mickelson, when asked if the rogue shagger should be sorry for damaging the sport's image."I don't know if there's been an individual who has capitalised more on the opportunities that he's brought to the game of golf than myself. He doesn't owe me a thing."

He's not wrong: Since Woods' turned professional in 1996, revenues for the PGA Tour have gone from the small-fry $430 million to more than $1418 million. And as much as they tend to come second when the red-shirted one is around, the players have benefited most. In the same period, the annual prize money kitty has gone from the small beer of $100 million to a champagne-supping $393 million.

A good question

If Sione Lauaki taps you on the shoulder at stupid o'clock in a bar in Hamilton and asks if you stole his drink, what's the correct response?

Good week for...

Lionel Messi

It's been a busy week for the wee Argentinian. He was being called the best in the world and getting compared to Maradona before scoring four times - including a 24-minute hat-trick - against Arsenal on Wednesday.

Bad week for...

Iranian women's soccer

Iran's girls have been kicked out of the Youth Olympic Games because Fifa won't allow players to wear Islamic head scarves. Fifa's rules say players' gear must not have any political, religious or personal statements.

The number

16

Tiger Woods' neighbour Raychel Coudriet brings the number of alleged mistresses to within two holes of a round of 18. Welcome back, champ.