COMMENT:
Earlier this week, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC), an American politician serving as the US Representative for New York's 14th congressional district, was walking up the steps to of the US Capitol earlier this week, minding her own business, when Republican Ted Yoho thought it'd be a good time to accost her and insult her.
Among many other things, Yoho (who, by the way, was accompanied by Roger Williams who could very well have spoken up but didn't and apparently even joined in) called AOC "disgusting" and "a f****g bitch").
It's not even about the insults - and if you think it is acceptable for anyone to use those words, I suggest you stop reading here.
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Advertise with NZME.AOC herself pointed out in a passionate speech, which has since gone viral, that the insults are nothing new to her - in fact, they're nothing new to most women.
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"This issue is not about one incident. It is cultural. It is a culture of lack of impunity, of accepting of violence and violent language against women and an entire structure of power that supports that," she said.
Think of all the women you know - every single one of them has been called a demeaning and dehumanising insult at some point in her life. And the thing about insults is that they're at least obvious open aggressions. The micro-aggressions are even more pervasive and dangerous.
When confronted about the incident, Yoho used one of those non-excuses that isn't even trying to be an excuse, saying he can not apologise for his "passion" and using the age-old "but I have daughters" argument as if having women in your direct lineage means he couldn't possibly insult women.
It's the misogynist version of "some of my best friends are black".
Just like the "black friend" defence is the ultimate cry of the racist, the father-of-daughters excuse has been letting a lot of misogynistic men get away with their ingrained everyday sexism.
Prompted by Yoho's pseudo-apology, AOC today called him out on it, saying she could not allow him to make excuses for his behaviour.
"I do not need Rep Yoho to apologise to me. Clearly he does not want to. Clearly when given the opportunity he will not and I will not stay up late at night waiting for an apology from a man who has no remorse over calling women and using abusive language towards women," she said.
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Advertise with NZME."I could not allow my nieces, I could not allow the little girls that I go home to, I could not allow victims of verbal abuse, and worse, to see that. To see that excuse, and see our Congress accept it as legitimate and accept it as an apology and to accept silence as a form of acceptance. I could not allow that to stand," she said.
She also said he used his female family members as a "shield" for his abusive language.
"Having a daughter does not make a man decent. Having a wife does not make a decent man. Treating people with dignity and respect makes a decent man. And when a decent man messes up, as we all are bound to do, he tries his best and does apologise," she said.
Some of the responses to AOC's speech online just further show how ingrained Yoho's attitude is in society.
For centuries, women have been programmed to be hyperaware of their behaviour and how it may impact on men. We've been told there are consequences to how we dress, how we talk, how much we smile (or don't smile), what we say, where we go and how we do things.
Wear a tight dress and you're a slut, speak up in a meeting and you're aggressive or shrill, smile and you're flirty, don't smile and you're not approachable, go out at night and it's your fault if something happens, I mean, what did you expect?
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Advertise with NZME.This isn't a US-centric problem. It is a global issue and you are fooling yourself if you think it doesn't happen in New Zealand, every single day.
It only takes one quick scan of the comments on social media on articles about female and male politicians to see that men still feel like they have the licence to comment on someone's looks rather than their policies - if that politician is a female.
Some of these commenters, when confronted, would probably tell you they're not sexist. They're fathers of daughters, brothers of sisters, sons of mothers. And I do believe they believe they treat women with respect - but believing you do something and actually doing it is not the same thing.
As AOC pointed out in her speech, every time a man insults, disrespects or belittles a woman, he is giving someone else the right to do the same to the women in his life anyway. He is propagating and perpetuating the uneven ground of society that allows men to believe these comments are acceptable.
It's time for men to be aware of their behaviour too. If you're going to be abusive towards people, you are going to have your abuse called out to you. You don't get to hide behind your mother/sister/wife/daughter and use them to mask your misogynistic behaviour, just like having a black friend doesn't give you a pass to make racist comments.
This is, ultimately, the big lesson from AOC's speech today: the excuses don't fly anymore. There's no "I'm not racist/sexist/misogynist/etc but".
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Advertise with NZME.Men are not used to women calling them out on their behaviour, pointing out when they're disrespectful. It makes them uncomfortable. Because if men having nothing else, they have the audacity.
Yoho, 65, is a member of the hard-right House Freedom Caucus and is retiring in January 2021, a month which, frankly, cannot come soon enough.
