1. They move everyone's luggage in the hallway the night before.
Because every second saved the next morning, counts.
2. This is just as well, because they insist on leaving at least five hours before the flight
Yes, it takes 20 minutes to get to the airport, but better safe than sorry.
3. They stand outside the kerb with all the bags while waiting for the taxi
Extra points if the taxi is two minutes late, which prompts them to say how it's 'lucky we've given ourselves extra time'.
4. As soon as they arrive at the airport, they automatically start walking four times faster
As 'airport dad', you must remain at least 50 metres ahead of the rest of the group at all times.
5. Yet panics if the group ever separates before you're through security
Sorry, no bathroom breaks or browsing Duty-Free.
6. They walk around carrying a binder of documents and papers
You know you can store documents on your phone, right?
7. No one else is allowed to lift the suitcases
Whether it's getting them into the taxi or onto the checking conveyor belt, no one is as strong as airport dad.
8. They insist on keeping hold of everyone's passports
You'll get them back when officials demand it, and not a second sooner.
9. And then complain about holding everyone's passports
Queue muttering about always being "the one in charge".
10. Assumes the 'airport dad position' whenever standing still
The popular pose involves quiet foot tapping and hands on hips, broken up by the occasional checking of a watch.
11. Routinely checking everyone still has their passport and boarding pass
If you're trusted to keep a hold of them after check-in, you can bet the rest of the journey will be punctuated with a regular 'everyone got their passport?'.
12. They about how expensive airport food is
Yes, it's "daylight robbery" but don't think that will stop them from buying two bags of nuts, some chips and four sandwiches.
13. While standing watch at the gate, they point out every plane because "I think that's our one"
Even the airlines you aren't flying.
14. They hover at the gate check-in for the second your group is called
Because somehow, that saves time. Don't question it.
15. They will fill out everyone's arrival forms
*Grabs reading glasses*
