Today’s Le Cup advises that you never, ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Here’s hoping Ethan Blackadder’s arrival in France leads to him, well, you know, actually playing.
Ian Foster’s All Blacks selections policy has repeatedly chosen new players but then, oddly, hasn’t trusted them to play very much. It’s been a recurring theme in this All Blacks coaching team and Blackadder’s arrival at the expense of the Chiefs’ Samipeni Finau is one of the latest examples.
To most of us, Finau is a hard-edged, strong-carrying, blindside flanker exactly of the ilk needed in France. Blackadder is a fine player - but is coming off pretty much two years of injuries and little rugby.
It’s yet another example of this selection panel’s strange philosophy: pick ‘em but don’t play ‘em (often). A related beef is 22-test All Blacks lock Tupou Vaa’i chosen at blindside flanker against France, a move so clearly destined to fail, you wonder why the selectors couldn’t see it. Meanwhile, Luke Jacobson could be excused for pondering one of the great questions of the French existentialists: “Why am I here?”
Vaa’i might have played 22 tests, but he has started only five, less than a quarter. As a lock. He’s played minimal moments as a blindside flanker in those final, often meaningless, minutes coming off the bench. We want him to grow into a world-class replacement for Brodie Retallick and Sam Whitelock but we are doing so by mostly playing him (a) in fits and starts; and (b) out of position.
In his early All Blacks days, Vaa’i started against Argentina, scoring two tries and generally looking like the next big thing. That Pumas team contained 11 of the 15 players who beat the All Blacks for the first time a year later. They came on but, by most objective measures, Vaa’i hasn’t yet.
In the latest team, tighthead prop Fletcher Newell is on the bench against Namibia, Nepo Laulala starting. Why? Newell has had nine tests, all of them as a sub. Why not start him? If we are talking tightheads, whatever happened to Tamaiti Williams? He’s in France, isn’t he?
If, as former All Blacks halfback Justin Marshall says, the All Blacks’ depth is wanting, surely that is at least partly down to this philosophy of selecting but not starting players. Cam Roigard was puzzlingly omitted even from the bench against France, precisely the sort of experience he should be accruing. You can also point to the un-selected Shaun Stevenson, exactly the sort of player who might be able to find a way through the fast, smothering defences currently tripping up the All Blacks.
Then there’s Beauden Barrett at fullback against Namibia. Why? Surely that’s a time to try Will Jordan at 15 - he might unlock the secret to the opposition deliberately kicking the ball back to the All Blacks so they make mistakes with it and lose games (France, South Africa).
Losing tests to teams who elect to give you the ball is pretty embarrassing. New blood might have helped sort that out but... too late now.
Semi Radradra’s horror knock-on with the line begging for a Fiji victory over Wales was the latest searing memory from the World Cup. Here are some similarly memorable moments from the first nine World Cups, some of which I covered or attended, some seen on TV. The following is the most arresting memory from each:
1987 - Huw Richards, Welsh lock, punches Gary Whetton and is significantly punished by All Blacks No 8 Buck Shelford. Richards becomes the only man in international rugby history to be woken up to be sent off. On the press benches, Times rugby scribe and Kiwi-baiter Stephen Jones is incensed. “New Zealand rugby’s day of shame,” he roars - for some reason speaking in headlines. “Welshman woken up to be sent off,” retorts our own Phil Gifford, sitting next to me. Wish I’d said that.
1991 - David Campese’s no-look pass to Tim Horan beats the All Blacks in the semifinal. No-look passes are common now but that was pretty much its debut on the global stage.
1995 - It took me many years to forgive Andrew Mehrtens for his failed dropped goal attempt which would have won the Cup, a feat famously achieved by Springbok first five Joel Stransky in extra time. It would have been one of the greatest All Blacks victories, overcoming food poisoning and an ultra-defensive Bok game plan. Which worked all too well. Shades of today.
1999 - This was the year many New Zealanders began the disturbing habit of yelling at innocent TVs up and down the land. The French, down 24-10 to the All Blacks, triggered an amazing onslaught. Everything they tried came off: Christophe Lamaison had one of the great No 10 games of all time and, when wing Philippe Bernat-Salles outpaced Jeff Wilson to make it 41-24, the All Blacks were powerless and New Zealand rugby misery was complete.
2003 - Well, not quite. There was still the semifinal loss to the Australians and Stirling Mortlock’s runaway try to prolong World Cup disaster for Kiwi fans. That night in Sydney, with our glum party deciding that early bedtime was best, I lit out to the clubs and bars on my own - ending up in the middle of a big party of English fans I’d never met before, who plonked a drink in my hand, beginning one of the great nights of rugby fandom.
2007 - A quarter-final loss, New Zealand’s worst result ever. The French did it again but there was a famous forward pass... oh, never mind.
2011 - Eden Park. World Cup final. The French are pressing hard and the All Blacks are losing first five-eighths like autumn leaves. Fourth-choice Stephen Donald comes on, wearing a jersey that looks like it was borrowed from Peewee Herman and which he has to tug down to cover his tummy, a bit like a woman in a micro-mini trying not to show too much of her knickers. My wife, not coping well with the tension (and the wine), stands up and shouts: “I haven’t paid good money to sit here and watch this guy; I’m going home.” She didn’t but Donald did - with the World Cup.
2015 - Eddie Jones, we salute you! Japan beat the Boks, the single greatest international upset I have ever seen. Oh, and Beauden Barrett scored a beauty to win the World Cup.
2019 - After eight years as world champions, unbeaten in 18 previous World Cup matches, it all goes woefully wrong when England, coached by Jones, play almost perfectly to de-fang the All Blacks in the semifinal. The overriding memory: the All Blacks’ inability to pierce the defence, held scoreless at halftime for the first time since 1991.
Louis Rees-Zammit (Wales) - He has wheels and elusiveness and should give Portugal a bit of a headache; a class winger who showed some of that against Fiji.
Serge Macalou (France) - A muscular blindside who mostly can’t force his way into the starting line-up. Showed his versatility by playing on the wing - and very well too - for 70 minutes as France beat South Africa late last year. New Zealand would love a No 6 like this.
Canan Moodie (South Africa) - Just 20, we haven’t seen the best of this guy yet. A fluid runner with a body swerve and a lightning sidestep, the Boks are playing him at centre but he can equally play wing or fullback.
Paul Lewis has been a journalist since the last ice age. Sport has been a lifetime pleasure and part of a professional career during which he has written four books, covered Rugby World Cups, America’s Cups, Olympic and Commonwealth Games and more.
Former All Blacks' frustrations began before he coached his first All Blacks test.