Thank you, Deontay Wilder for the biggest laugh since I first saw Basil Fawlty's discipline of his misbehaving car with a tree branch.
Yeah, man, you lost your world title to a rampant Tyson Fury because that stupid costume you wore into the ring weighed too much? Ha! Some bright spark then showed you up by remembering a 2018 interview where you said you wore a 20kg vest as part of your training for a fight and put it on that bastion of privacy – the internet.
There was also footage of you wearing a heavy vest in training for the Fury fight. Whoops.
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Not only is Wilder exposed, so is one of boxing's worst faults – the bullshit that surrounds it. We're talking the clichéd, out-of-control fighters at the weigh-in and heavyweight boxers in camp outfits for the walk to the ring.
Wilder said this after his corner threw in the towel when he was coming a long second to a bravura performance by Fury: "He didn't hurt me at all, but the simple fact is my uniform was way too heavy for me. I didn't have legs from the beginning of the fight. In the third round, my legs were just shot all the way through…I knew I didn't have the legs because of my uniform."
It weighed 18kg, including batteries which made all the little fairy lights on it blink on and off. It was, apparently, his tribute to Black History Month. What it had to do with a month highlighting the struggle of African Americans, specifically themed around winning the vote, was beyond me.
If Wilder had turned up to a US voting station in this get-up, he'd have cleared the room in a matter of seconds. Big D looked like a less scary version of Ser Gregor – the giant, villainous knight from Game Of Thrones who continued being villainous even though he was technically, ummm, dead.
Wilder might have got away with the silly clothing if he hadn't used it as an excuse for losing, thereby joining a wonderful line-up of sport's lame blame games. This is the best since the coach of the North Korean women's football team claimed they'd lost 2-0 in the first round of the 2011 World Cup because half the team had been struck by lightning.
I'm sure Kim Jong Un, that country's Supreme Leader, would have believed it – it's not so many years ago it was claimed the tubby wee chap's father (previous Great Leader Kim Jong Il) had blasted round Pyongyang Golf Club in 34 strokes, 38-under par, including five holes in one. It was the first time the man had ever played golf. Imagine that.
All limp sporting excuses have a rational explanation – like that stupendous round of golf. Turns out someone attending the Great Leader marked his card in a different scoring system, where instead of writing down the number of strokes taken, you write down points scored on each hole – so a par might be worth one, a birdie two and an eagle three and so on.
The Great Leader's magnificent round of golf had five ones on his card and, when this was shared with the national news agency, they figured the ones represented holes-in-one. They broadcast it proudly round the world, perplexed when they realised everyone was sniggering.
Still, they played it with a straight bat after that. No one was ever going to admit the mistake so, once it was out there, it had to be maintained. Today the official course record at the Pyongyang Golf Club is still 34.
There's a rational explanation for Wilder too. He looked worried in that fight very early and not because of his costume. He'd realised that Fury – the bigger of two very big men – was doing what he said he would…taking the fight to the supposed puncher, moving forward instead of his usual MO of fighting on the run.
He lost his legs because Fury hit him very hard on the ear, making it bleed and seemingly affecting his balance. Still, you'd think he'd do better than blaming his swanky duds and scapegoating someone else. According to some reports, trainer Mark Breland will not be in Wilder's corner at his next fight after he threw in the towel, ending the bout.
I had the pleasure of watching Breland – a tall welterweight and fast, slick boxer of technical skill – win his Olympic boxing gold; he later became WBA welterweight world champ and, as far as I am aware, never turned up to his fights looking like a battery-powered robot that eats guinea pigs and little children.
If Breland's been fired – Wilder said he and his trainers had an agreement that no one would ever throw in the towel at one of his bouts – it's a shame. The fact a former world champion boxer was worried about the health of his fighter should tell you a lot; the referee of the bout has since said he was on the verge of calling the fight off anyway.
Wilder's behaviour has robbed him of much credibility and career momentum. Instead of firing Breland, Wilder should probably be concentrating on dressing like a boxer (instead of for Halloween) and devising a plan to beat Fury (if there is a re-match) that doesn't involve getting knocked down twice.