Great Minds: Hamish and Kyle - On dealing with grief

People get emotional as the procession starts on the day of the Queen Elizabeth II funeral, in London. Photo / AP

In this web series, psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald and Nutters Club co-host Hamish Williams look at mental health and how to navigate some of the more challenging parts of modern life. Today they look at how to deal with grief.

The death of Queen Elizabeth II was without doubt a historical event on multiple fronts. The fact 1.5 billion people watched her funeral service is testament to her relevancy in many people's lives.

Despite this there are few that personally knew her well. Her death, at the age of 96, also should have come as no surprise.

And yet there was an immense outpouring of grief. People the world over wiped away tears as they came to terms with the passing of someone who many would have only ever seen on a television or on the front page of a magazine at the supermarket checkout.

So why this emotional response to a great-grandmother living out her last days in a Scottish castle? The short answer is grief.

"Grief is a universal experience," says psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald. "Sometimes when we are exposed to instances of a past experience, it can bring the emotions from that time."

A beloved grandparent's funeral comes to mind. Although I don't remember there being sailor-drawn gun carriages at my own, the sentiment is the same. Sharing in someone else's grief can bring back memories of our own.

"There's also a case of it being cathartic," adds MacDonald. "Events like the Queen's death become an acceptable way for us to come together and experience an outpouring of emotion."

I'm all for outpourings of emotion. Better to get it out of our system in a healthy way rather than bottle it up. Grief, though, can be a little different.

While you might have had a tear in your eye as the Queen's pony and corgis looked on, for some the experiencing of grief can leave us feeling numb and disconnected.

"It's best to look at grief as a learning process," says MacDonald. "What we're doing is learning to adjust to something that we value deeply. Regardless of who that is, our brain and our attachment system has to make a significant adjustment and that's what can be emotionally painful."

Everyone feels grief in different ways and there is no right or wrong way to feel. There's also no timeline for when you should be over grief. The tricky part is if grief turns into something else, like depression.

If you end up finding yourself stuck in that place for what feels like a period of time to you, then take the opportunity to go chat with your GP or counsellor.

The ones we love or have attachments to may be gone but you're very much still here.