Laugh? Cobber, I nearly started

SYDNEY - An Aussie is having a quiet drink in a bar. He leans over to the big guy next to him and says, "Do you wanna hear a Kiwi joke?"

The big guy replies: "Well, mate, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm six foot seven, 135kg and I played as a lock for the All Blacks.

"The guy next to me is six foot five, weighs 125kg and he's an ex-All Black No 8.

"Next to him is a bloke who's six foot 10, weighs 140kg and he's a current All Black lock. Now, do you still want to tell that Kiwi joke?"

The Aussie says: "Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."

You're not rolling around the floor laughing, are you? If you are, you were probably born in Ulladulla, maybe Wagga Wagga or perhaps Scone.

But what about this one? A Kiwi, an Irishman and an Aussie were on a plane. Halfway through the flight, the pilot realised that the plane was too heavy and two people needed to jump out. The Irishman leaped, yelling on his way down, "I'm doing this for my country". Then the Kiwi stood up, said, "I'm doing this for my country" and pushed the Aussie out.

That's more like it.

They're just two of the Aussie-Kiwi jokes that do the rounds, hurtling from email inbox to inbox.

Do they offend? Some do, some don't.

Australian Foreign Minister Alexander Downer certainly didn't like freight courier DHL's ad, which says on a large hoarding near Melbourne Airport: "We take New Zealand seriously" in big letters. And lower down in brackets "(somebody has to)".

Downer, answering a question about closer relations with New Zealand, said he thought the ad was patronising. "I thought, 'Is there any need to be rude?"'

DHL might be taking a risk with the half million or so New Zealanders in Australia, but at least it is being fair about it.

It has run the same ad in New Zealand, but with Australia as the target.

This also occurs with many of the Aussie-Kiwi jokes. The nationality is often transposed, so over this side of the ditch it would be the Aussie pushing the Kiwi off the plane. Perish the thought.