Jessie Gurunathan: Growing older as a woman: Gendered ageism is new sexism

Keeley Hawes, pictured with Matthew Macfadyen, signed a letter earlier this year calling for an end to the entertainment industry's 'entrenched' ageism against women over 45. Photo /AP

Opinion

Opinion

Now I'll be the first to admit that at 39, I'm a bit vain and love the way a sprinkling of Botox and a good microneedling facial helps me feel like the hands of time aren't racing too quickly ahead of me. I do, however, personally draw the line at eating poop to stay young.

In a recent interview with The New York Times, Kim Kardashian famously said, "If you told me I literally had to eat poop every single day and I would look younger, I might. I just might."

I am all for women having autonomy and believe that it's anti-feminist to police or dictate what a woman should or shouldn't do with her own body. If your personal choices make you happy and feel better then, hey, more power to you.

However, I feel like Kim Kardashian's admission is an interesting snapshot and insight into just how much pressure exists for women, particularly those in the public eye, to remain forever youthful. The entertainment industry has perpetuated a level of gendered ageism that is very much a part of popular culture today.

In May 2022, more than 100 British actors and public figures signed an open letter calling for an end to the entertainment industry's "entrenched" ageism against women over 45. The letter, written and circulated by activist group Acting Your Age Campaign, said women in the UK have a "shelf life" on screen, but men have a "whole life".

Social media helps to reinforce this harmful ageist narrative, and it's never been easier to openly praise a woman for her youthful appearance or criticise another for not living up to societal expectations. Photoshopped imagery was once reserved for glossy magazines, now, anybody with a smartphone is able to create an augmented, heavily filtered, and airbrushed version of themselves.

As someone who's worked within the entertainment industry for the past 20-plus years both in front of and behind the camera, I finally get it. Next year I will be celebrating my 40th birthday, and I'd be lying if I didn't have mixed feelings about it. I've relished my 30s and feel like they definitely lived up to the hype. But come 40 and things seem to take a bit of a cultural shift in terms of the way women are negatively perceived and portrayed, and I'm not ready to be shoved into this sexist ageist narrative. I still feel young and vibrant, but according to societal stereotypes about "middle-aged" women, it's time for me to quieten down and fade into the background.

This stupidly annoying discourse is ever-present and unavoidable. As a consumer, it's the most bizarre experience to suddenly notice that your demographic doesn't seem to be featured in fashion or beauty advertisements. Ironically, we're the ones who are technically financially better off and can afford to actually splurge and enjoy some of the finer things our younger selves could only dream of. So where are the advertising campaigns featuring women in their 40s, 50s and beyond? My mum kindly informed me that once I hit my 60s, the only marketing campaigns I'll see myself reflected in are about incontinence pads and life insurance.

I can hear a sense of defeatism in my mum's voice whenever we talk about what it feels like to grow older as a woman, and it makes me frustrated and sad. Mum deserves better and so do I damn it!

I want to watch movies with middle-aged leading ladies in raunchy sex scenes and daredevil action sequences. I mean, if Tom Cruise (aged 60) and Daniel Craig (aged 54) are out there living their best lives I don't see why Angela Bassett (aged 64) and Julianne Moore (aged 61) can't also portray strong, sexy, empowered leads.

But herein lies the problem, the stale pale males continue to take up most of the space at the helm, and misogyny is still thriving. I'm not just referring to Hollywood anymore either, there are many boardrooms and decision-making spaces across many industries that continue to uphold and contribute to these archaic, boring old stereotypes.

How do we challenge the status quo? How do we redefine what it is to be, and feel sexy, dynamic and vibrant at any age? My only answer is we live it. As I prepare to embark on my 40th trip around the sun I'm challenging myself to reframe my own narrative and as cheesy as it sounds, I want to be the change I wish to see in the world around me. Why should I allow somebody else to dictate how I perceive myself? It's annoying that to others it's still a radical idea to choose to keep thriving at a point in my life when I'm apparently meant to go quietly out to pasture. I think, however we as women choose to age, it's our prerogative, and it's a privilege to grow older. If a woman wants to take up pole dancing classes at 50, get a facelift, have a baby at 40 (potentially me), or eat poop like Kim K, let's just continue to celebrate our collective rebellion and stick it to the patriarchy.