Bill Harman: Modern packaging this thinking man's nightmare

COMMENT

I am a martyr to packaging.

I don't know whether it's due to gender, age (55+) or intelligence (never reliably measured) but I find that today's wrapping materials, mostly plastic, are difficult for me to manage.

Hardware stores often have goods I would like to buy. Unfortunately, many of these items are packaged in a see-through abomination called the bubble pack.

It is just as well the hardware store sells them as the purchase of a strong pair of garden shears is also required to cut through the otherwise impenetrable shell.

And once the wrapping is wrecked by the shears (assuming it doesn't wreck the shears first), the retailer is likely to resist replacing the goods, even if faulty, as you have damaged the point-of-sale packaging.

The problem isn't restricted to solid objects either. I have been almost reduced to tears by the instructions on milk cartons. The first, "Press flaps back firmly", I can usually handle with some success.

The second, "Squeeze edges in here", has defeated me every time. I've tried squeezing the edges gently, with love and affection. Doesn't work. I've tried squeezing them hard. Show them who's boss.

That doesn't work either. I've had milk on my hands, hands in the milk, milk on the shirt, even milk on the cat. Every possible permutation of milk distribution but never an instance of the carton opening as instructed.

I wonder if the product's makers find the process simple themselves.

I'd say not - otherwise, how could they possibly conclude that this way of unsealing their cartons was user-friendly?

Wrapping things is just as frustrating.

Am I the only person in the world who can't control plastic food wrap or are there, as I suspect, thousands more out there similarly afflicted?

I follow the instructions, pull out a piece of the wretched stuff and carefully place the sandwich lunch on it. Fine.

Then I try to tear off the sheet along the sharp edge of the box. Instead of tearing, the sheet stretches. When it finally relents, my hand jerks back and the unpacked lunch flies off the end of the table to join the milk on the kitchen floor.

Makers claim that these products help to make life simple. Well, I'm here to tell them that they are very wrong.

I'll tell you what simple is. Simple is a brown paper bag deftly spun between thumb and forefinger to close it up. Simple is a glass bottle with a tear-off top.

And for hardware stores, fish and chip shops and greengrocers, nothing is as simple and practical as two sheets of yesterday's newspaper. I suppose that just about wraps it up.

* Bill Harman is a reader from Beachlands.