Your body is amazing, but it can’t do the Biles II… yet.
I get it. You watch all those phenomenal bodies leap, twist, jump, dive, row, lift, sprint, break and ride. And you feel your own muscles twitch into life with dopamine and adrenaline(known to surge when you watch sports). Before you know it you’re adding gymnastic flourishes to your walk to the kitchen; and privately visualising your own podium moment and interviews with the Sky Sport reporters, wondering if you’d cry and remember to thank your mum as well as your coach and everybody watching at home. Your emotional capacity surges as you watch countries you hardly ever think about embrace each other and parade proudly around Stade de France with flags draped over their shoulders. You feel a flush of aspiration, inspiration. Could I do that? Can I?
Unfortunately, you most likely can’t. While social media is alive with Olympics-inspired reels made by normies, ACC says please, “have a hmmm” before you do. For the sake of your family, friends and colleagues who will have to tolerate the fallout of your Olympics-induced injury.
As bewitching as it is to think you could attempt The Biles II, logic says you just shouldn’t. ACC injury prevention leader James Whitaker says “if you’re getting off the couch and giving things a go, take a few seconds to think things through before you do them”, and “if the sport or activity is brand new for you, research the right techniques to follow and learn from the pros”.
Classic Olympic sports and amazing moves. Photo / Getty Images
On Seven Sharp last Friday, ACC shared stats showing an uptick in eligible reports filed compared to the same time last year. While there’s not enough in it to discern a pattern and draw correlations between injury spikes and the Olympics, or other big sporting events, they’re keen to promote injury prevention tips for those who have had their athletic prowess piqued. ACC has helpful videos on surfing, mountain biking, cycling and running (though none for breaking, because who knew Paris 2024 would introduce the world to Raygun?).
I love the way watching the Olympics puts us in touch with our bodies and their latent potential. I always thought I’d be an excellent long jumper if I wasn’t so short and didn’t con my teachers into letting me off on school sports day by saying I had my period. As much as I felt I identified with the goddesses in the long-jump final, I think if I wandered down to the beach and tried a full-sprint leap across the line in the sand, I’d end up needing a month of physio on my hamstring after only clearing a metre and a half (optimistically speaking).
But to give ACC and the nation’s physios some peace of mind, here are some lower-risk Olympics moves I think we could all find some joy in trying out at home:
Table tennis: The one Olympic sport that amateurs can have a go at without risking a breakage or a ball or body part to the face (or at least the kind of ball that would really hurt).
B-Girl Raygun of Team Australia provided one of the true artistic moments in Paris 2024. Photo / Getty Images
Ellesse Andrew’s psych-out stare: Absolutely floored by the deathly psychological talent Andrews displays with her over-the-shoulder glance at her opponent; that bone-chilling gaze just before she breaks into the sprint and leaves the other rider in her thigh-powered dust.
Hyping the crowd like Hamish Kerr: One of the most nonchalant athletes in the field has a crowd-hype style that can be easily mimicked - raise the arms to the crowd, clap a bit, put hand to ear to make sure they’re keeping the beat nice and loud. Just need to find a crowd.
Side rolls: if you have Biles fever, start with the very basics. Safer than the more complex forward roll is the classic side roll. Like you might have done as a kid down some hills. Or just try walking in a straight line with pointed toes, a straight back and eyes forward, which is harder than it looks (like all of it).
It’s been an Onslow signature menu item since day one. Now, Josh Emett’s famous crayfish eclair has clawed its way into the Iconic Auckland Eats Top 100 list. Video / Alyse Wright
