Nadine Higgins was in the midst of returning to fulltime work as a financial adviser when she found out she was pregnant. Photo / Amalia Osborne
Warning: Mentions pregnancy loss
After years of gruelling IVF, the broadcaster is shocked and delighted to be pregnant with her second child.
When journalist Nadine Higgins and her husband Dan were preparing to celebrate the first birthday of their son Frankie in September, Nadine was aware she was feeling more tired than usual. Of course, tired is a relative term when you have a toddler and she was in the midst of returning to fulltime work as a financial adviser. But still, the level of exhaustion seemed a step up from normal.
“I was thinking, ‘Is this just working with a small child?’ and then I started feeling sick,” Nadine, 38, laughs. “I thought, ‘Hold on a second. Could I be pregnant?!’”
Sure enough, a pregnancy test revealed she was.
“When those two little lines came up, honestly, I almost fell over!” she exclaims.
It was a combination of elation, gratitude and, well, shock. “Having a baby is not something that ever came easy for us,” she says.
Nadine and Dan were married in 2017, and started trying a few years later. But as the wait dragged on, they sought professional help – an expensive and often frustrating process that so many Kiwi families know all too well.
In the end, they went through four years of gruelling IVF treatment – including experiencing a miscarriage – and were going through the process to have a baby through surrogacy when they unexpectedly conceived Frankie, despite being told that getting pregnant naturally would be virtually impossible for them.
“When we were in the middle of the infertility journey, we were told, ‘You need to finish your family by 38,’ and that our chances of conceiving were 3%, which felt crushing,” she shares.
Nadine will be 39 in March and their baby is due in May. “I feel like I just scraped in by the skin of my teeth,” she says with a smile.
In amongst the sheer gratitude at being able to have another baby, there are also the logistical challenges of preparing to have a toddler and a newborn.
“If you’d asked me at the time, ‘Are you ready to have a second child?’ I would have said no,” Nadine laughs. “I felt like I needed to figure out how on earth you balance a child and a job. I needed to build my confidence back up and I hadn’t necessarily got my physical strength back up either. I wasn’t physically or emotionally feeling ready.”
Nadine is honest about the guilt she felt around that initial mix of emotions after having wanted to start a family for so long.
“I felt like I should be nothing but enraptured by this because I know how precious this is, and I’ve met so many people throughout this process who had similar struggles to us and are still trying,” she says. “So, initially, I was like, ‘I’m so ungrateful.’ I was giving myself a stern talking-to. But I think it was just the shock.”
So much of Nadine and Dan’s journey to parenthood has come with unexpected timing. There was the surprise at getting pregnant when they had been told their chances of naturally conceiving were so low and then Nadine went into labour with Frankie three weeks early, right when Dan was in the middle of shooting Tinā, his first feature film as lead producer. That threw their plans for a break between massive projects out the window, but Nadine says through it all, Dan, 39, has been an incredibly calm and capable father.
“I knew he would be, but he has surpassed my expectations – he’s such a hands-on and engaged parent.”
The pair decided to do a massive home renovation in the same year as welcoming their first child – Nadine jokes that she wouldn’t necessarily recommend this choice to others – and to save money, they’ve been house-sitting for a lot of the year.
“I counted that we’ve moved 12 times in eight months,” she says. “Part of it has been an adventure, but we’re a proper team in all of this.”
Just in time for Christmas, they moved back into their home and Nadine says the timing couldn’t have been better. After so long living out of suitcases, she just wants to nest before their new baby arrives in May. It’s another boy, she smiles, and she’s thrilled.
“I’m hoping that they will be great buddies. And I feel like the world is full of wonderful, strong women – what it needs more of is great men. That’s what I really hope to raise.”
Nadine and Dan are blessed to have wonderful family support – Dan’s mother lives in a tiny house in their backyard and looks after Frankie two days a week. She bought Frankie a toy doll to prepare him for being a big brother and the results have been mixed, laughs Nadine.
“We keep calling it ‘baby brother’ and sometimes he clutches the doll to himself so sweetly, then other times he gives it a little bite or drops it on the floor. So it’ll be interesting to see how he finds the transition!”
When it came to telling people about the news of their second pregnancy, Nadine and Dan were cautious due to having experienced a miscarriage before they had Frankie.
“We definitely didn’t spill the news at 12 weeks,” she says. “We know that getting pregnant is not the same as having a baby. I didn’t tell work until I was about 17 weeks pregnant, partly because I’d just walked back in the door in September!”
She admits she feared “the motherhood tax” – the term for how women can be professionally held back for having children while in the workforce. As well as her work as a financial adviser, Nadine is also the face of new NZME financial podcast The Prosperity Project, which launches in January.
Both of her bosses were very supportive of her news, Nadine says, and she is excited by the idea of being able to help people who can’t afford financial advice better understand their money.
“I have a background as a financial journalist and now I’m a financial adviser, so this feels like the coming together of both of those,” she says.
There are also plans to make a second season of her and Dan’s podcast The Human Race, which the couple created to help bring solace and more understanding to those going through infertility. There’s even the possibility of it becoming a TV series as well.
“With so many people struggling with infertility, they shouldn’t be struggling alone,” insists Nadine. “There is a community out there – it’s a community no one wants to be a part of, but if you’re going to be in that community, you should at least be able to access good information and good support. And feel less alone, because you’re not alone.”
Nadine was very aware that for a lot of parents who have waited a long time to have a baby, the fourth trimester following the birth can be difficult – having a child is all they’ve ever wanted, but looking after a baby is also challenging, no matter what. That, plus a history of anxiety, meant Nadine was well-prepared for the possibility of post-partum depression. But she really did get the blissful newborn bubble, she smiles.
“I feel very grateful for that,” she enthuses. “It doesn’t mean there weren’t hard days, but mostly I just felt like all my Christmases had come at once. Because they had!”
And that feeling very much remains as she and Dan find themselves in the surreal situation of preparing to have two under 2 – a world away from what they thought was going to be their reality.
“Just two and a half years ago, we didn’t think we would be able to have a family at all,” reflects Nadine. “And now we get the opportunity to have a second child and we’re just so, so grateful.”
If you need a break from the slopes or don’t fancy a ski, there’s still a lot to do this.