This is hugelyself-absorbed of me but I honestly think the makers of Keri must be reading my column because they've only gone and designed a toy that doesn't make your hand fizzy!
"Keri is designed so only the top end vibrates, leaving the handle vibration-free so it won't numb your hand while using it," says the website. A round of applause please, now our hands are no longer dead from pins and needles.
Svakom is a luxury company that specialises in designing extremely advanced sex toys including self-heating vibrators and ones that can record a video of the inside of your vagina. So, I need to get on their mailing list ASAP, but I promise I won't subject you to that footage.
Photo / Supplied
Made for clitoral or G-spot play, the Keri has a super powerful motor and a curved design that simulates the curve of a finger, in that "come here" gesture (for the inexperienced reading this, that's how to tap into the G spot.)
To me the toy looks exactly like a tablespoon, without the little scooped bit where your cereal would go. It's made out of silicone and is a pale pink shade, the least offensive hue of any sex toy I've come across thus far.
The design is super-high quality and the silicone is silky soft. It is neither slippery like the hard plastic of a Womaniser, nor gummy like most cheap rubber toys are. It also doesn't have any seams that might irritate your skin, so you don't have to worry about snagging yourself and having to try explain why in A&E.
Sound wise, it isn't raucous but it isn't silent either – most external toys aren't. So maybe save this one for when the flatmates are out, or just turn it on and hope they get the hint to leave?
It didn't personally do much for me internally, but I am someone who tends to only get off from external stimulation – but if you're someone who wants a vibrating version of a man (most of you surely) then this would probably be right up your alley, no pun intended.
The only other thing I wasn't crazy about was the little light on it, but every toy I've come across has one. I've yet to find one that I can use under the cloak of darkness while my partner hisses at me that he's trying to sleep. He should really have more respect for my work.
Keri is also designed not just for alone time but partner-play too, as the flat handle allows "room for two" to be inside at the same time.
There's also an insane amount of setting options. With 25 combinations of patterns and intensities you could do a different thing every night for a month like a weird sexy advent calendar.
