Making the move together.
This is part of a series of sponsored stories by Newstalk ZB’s Kerre Woodham, exploring life in Metlifecare villages through the eyes of residents – how they came to be there, what shaped their choice of village, and how they’re enjoying life now.
Today: Kerre meets two Mums and a Dad pleased their adult children helped them make the move into a retirement village.
Moving into a retirement village is a big decision – but it’s one that can be made much easier with the practical and emotional support of children.
When you have children, whose only motivation is your well-being and happiness, moving from the family home to a village can be a positive, life-enhancing transition.
Simone and her sister Jackie wanted their Mum to enjoy the next phase of her life. Kath worked two jobs while raising her daughters on her own but despite working every hour in the day, she reached her seventies and still had a mortgage on the large family home.
“It was just rinse and repeat for Mum, every single day,” says Simone. “She was living in a great big four-bedroom house with a massive garden and it just got too much for her.”
Simone and Jackie looked at downsizing, selling up the house and moving their Mum into a little unit. However, when they saw the fun that friends of friends were having in retirement villages, they knew that the social, family-oriented Kath would thrive in a village.
They also knew it was a safe, secure environment. It helped that Jackie works in aged care in Australia so she knew what to look for in a village. It needed to be close to public transport shops and, as Kath comes from a big family, they wanted a friendly, inclusive environment.
From the moment she moved into Metlifecare Dannemora Gardens, Kath says she discovered a newfound sense of freedom. Her time is now her own to catch up with friends and family and to pursue her interests and hobbies. And without the upkeep and maintenance of a big home, she has financial freedom for the first time in her life.
Simone says that some people wondered why she and Jackie were encouraging their Mum into a village – after all, they would miss out on a big inheritance. Simone was quietly appalled by this.
“It’s Mum’s money, it’s not ours. She’s still alive so it’s not our inheritance. Mum deserves a comfortable life – that’s what she’s worked so hard for”, Simone says. ‘We’re adults, we’ve got our own lives, we’ve got our own incomes, and it was important to Jackie and me that Mum lives her best life.”
Kath gives Simone’s hand a squeeze and smiles. “When I think back”, she says, “I never, ever thought I’d have such a rich life. To think I’ve got all this at the age of 80 – oh, it’s wonderful.”
Then there’s Emilie. She is an only child and every week for ten years after her Dad died, Sundays were spent with her partner out at the family 12-acre lifestyle block in South Auckland.
Her Mum, Heather, was independent and self-sufficient – she still is – but there were a lot of jobs she simply couldn’t manage. Emilie and Heather have a wonderful relationship, and Emilie clearly respects her Mum’s choices but spending every Sunday in gumboots, pruning and weeding and pushing a wheelbarrow was a lot.
“It was a big tie”, Emilie concedes, “and it was hard to stay on top of the list of things to do in just seven or eight hours once a week.”
One afternoon, as Emilie and her partner were leaving after the Sunday working bee, Heather told them she thought she might like to move to a retirement village.
Emilie was shocked. “We drove up the driveway, away from Mum’s house, parked the car and just looked at each other and said, ‘Did she actually just say that’?”
Leaving the family home after 30 years and divesting yourself of much of the bits and pieces you collect over that time was difficult. However, Emilie is glad she could spend the better part of a year helping her Mum decide what to take with her to her new home at Metlifecare Ōtau Ridge.
She knows it was the right move for Heather. She says her Mum is really happy and it gives Emilie enormous peace of mind to know that her Mum isn’t alone on a huge property with limited phone coverage.
“When I hear the storm warnings, there are no worries about a washed-out driveway, blocked drains, or trees falling over. These are all things we’d have to put on our gumboots, traipse out and deal with.”
The bond between this mother and daughter is a strong one and since the move, it’s changed for the better.
“I think it had got to the point where it was a very functional relationship,” Emilie admits. “We’d get to Mum’s, have a cup of coffee and do some work. We’d have lunch, we’d go and do some work, we’d leave. That was it. Whereas now we can sit down and have a conversation and actually enjoy each other’s company.”
“We go out and do fun things together. We had a day out recently when the Clevedon Art Trail was on and there’s just no way we’d have had the time to do that in the past. I’m really looking forward to more of that – it’s nice. Nice to hang out with Mum rather than doing jobs.”
For Alan it wasn’t handholding and reassuring words he needed from his son. It was a ‘harden up and sort yourself out’ chat that made all the difference to his life. After Alan had a health scare, he moved from his home in Motueka to Auckland to be closer to his son and daughter.
“It sounds selfish, but everything that was happening to Dad was happening to us”, Simon explains. “When he had a heart attack, it was like, oh hell, we had to drop everything and get on a plane to Motueka. It took that pressure off having him close.”
A retirement village made sense, and Simon thought his Dad would love village life. Alan loves people, loves a chat, loves fun – he was the ideal candidate. But only a few weeks after moving into Metlifecare Greenwich Gardens, Alan felt he’d made a terrible mistake. This free spirit felt trapped and unhappy and he told Simon that he was sorry, but he was leaving.
Simon sat his Dad down and made him do a pros and a cons list on paper. It turned out there were a lot more advantages in staying than there were in leaving. Reluctantly, Alan stayed put.
Then, when he accepted an invitation to a men’s lunch, Alan’s life changed. He found likeminded souls, joined the village band and opened himself up to new experiences and new friends. He’s never looked back.
“I love it now. I absolutely love it. It would have been crazy if I’d left – stupid. It would have been absolutely the wrong thing.”
Simon agrees. He wanted his Dad to have a choice about where he would live his next stage of life while he still could. That is another advantage to village life – especially a village that offers assisted living and care home options.
Simon told Alan he was of an age where he still had a choice. He could either choose where he was going to be for the next phase of his life, or he could leave it until it was too late and then that choice would be taken out of his hands.
“I said to him, Dad, look around you. Everything’s here. You can up the amount of care you need, you can treat it like a lock up and leave, or you can immerse yourself in what the village has to offer.”
Luckily Alan chose to immerse himself and once he made that decision, he’s never looked back.
Over the past couple of years, we’ve focussed on the benefits of retirement living for retirees. But retirement living offers benefits for their families, too. For adult children, seeing their parents they love living a happy, stress-free life, secure and living life on their terms, well – you can’t put a dollar figure on that.