Pre-sex NDAs and background checks: What it’s like to date the rich and famous

Relationships are often marked by milestones — first kiss, first date — but there are a few more hoops to jump through in the celeb world. Photo / Instagram, Jackie Apostel

Young couples enjoy several giddy milestones when they start going out. The first kiss, the first date, and the first awkward introduction to each other’s parents. But when your new partner has a celebrity parent, you might have some less-romantic hoops to jump through — the first non-disclosure agreement (NDA), for example, or the first background check.

This week it was reported Victoria Beckham worries about who her sons might bring home to dinner, after Cruz, 19, was pictured kissing Brazilian pop star Jackie Apostel in the street in Chelsea. Although neither has confirmed the romance is official, it’s not the first time they’ve been seen out together.

“There’s an anxiety for Victoria that comes with inviting a new person into their world — especially one they barely know — and all the secrets and personal information about their family that will naturally be shared with them,” an insider told Heat magazine.

Brazilian pop star Jackie Apostel is Cruz Beckham's reported new love interest — but the Beckhams are said to be wary about welcoming a new person into their meticulously guarded world. Photo / Jackie Apostel

The Beckhams, who celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary in July, have reason to be wary about welcoming a new person into their meticulously guarded world. In 2009, they won a four-year High Court battle for an apology after their former nanny, Abbie Gibson, sold secrets about their private family life to the press, revealing details of their arguments and the fact they made her walk behind them when out in public.

They might also have form in what’s known in the industry as a “pre-sex NDA”. In his recent book, The House of Beckham, biographer Tom Bower wrote that David’s extramarital affairs reportedly led to him keeping a “stash” of blank NDA forms he “should get the woman to sign” if necessary.

“It’s not unusual for our clients to ask us to arrange NDAs and background checks for their partners or their children’s new partners as part of their security services,” says Emma, a celebrity PA who asked not to be identified.

But, she says, it is mostly “new money” sports and music stars who resort to such formalities, with aristocratic families and minor royals instead relying on their offsprings’ rarefied group of friends, and the fact their social circles naturally exclude anyone who might sell sensitive details to the tabloids.

“The more old-school VVIPs don’t tend to [use NDAs or background checks]. They tend to trust that they’ve brought up their kids to have good judgment — and given the circles their children mix in, you’re unlikely to have someone sell their story to the press.”

That doesn’t stop security services from thoroughly vetting newcomers to the royal family, though. It’s well known those involved with prominent members of “the Firm” will be subjected to security checks, as will their immediate family, to determine their suitability.

A cold war reportedly broke out between Victoria Beckham and her son Brooklyn's wife, Nicola Peltz. Photo / Nicola Peltz Beckham

“Kate Middleton — as someone previously unknown to the royal family and in a relationship with the heir to the throne — definitely had extensive background checks on her,” says Phil Dampier, royal commentator and author of the book Royally Suited: Harry and Meghan in Their Own Words.

“With Diana, she grew up on the Sandringham estate so was very well known to the royal family. But apparently, there were some checks done to ensure she was still a virgin when she married Charles.”

Although Meghan and her family would’ve been thoroughly checked when she began dating Harry, she has subsequently revealed she wasn’t asked to sign an NDA on entering or leaving the royal family. In 2022, she told New York Magazine, “It’s interesting, I’ve never had to sign anything that restricts me from talking. I can talk about my whole experience and make a choice not to.”

Meanwhile, William asked his friends to sign confidentiality agreements when he was a student at St Andrews in 2001. “Very strange concept, having to sign the confidentiality agreements, but of course he was a future King and this whole idea was to enable him to have an ordinary existence,” says Katie Nicholl, author of The Making of a Royal Romance: William, Kate and Harry.

“His friends had to legally promise not to leak stories about his activities to the press and as a result, his experience was remarkably ordinary and very happy”.

The paperwork and formalities exist to give well-known people a chance at normal life, without second-guessing the motivations of those around them. And it might sound cold, but for a celebrity concerned with privacy, asking a prospective romantic partner to sign a pre-sex NDA has become a regular part of the dating ritual.

“I have heard of high-profile clients asking their assistant to remove a date’s phone for the night before they hook up for a one-night stand, or to put stickers over people’s phone cameras if they want to come into the VIP area with them,” says Emma.

Cruz could potentially relocate to Brazil with Jackie if things do get serious — a prospect Victoria would probably be keen to avoid. Photo / Getty Images

She has also been asked by one of her clients — a “very well-known” personality — to hire a private investigator to run background checks on someone with whom the client had been on a few dates.

“They had a bad experience in the past so it’s understandable they want to be cautious,” she says.

Caroline Holley is a partner at Farrer & Co who specialises in family law for high-profile clients. “There is real merit in those with a significant public profile ensuring they take steps to protect their privacy from the beginning of a relationship, and non-disclosure provisions are becoming more common in cohabitation and prenuptial agreements,” she says.

“Depending on the context of the relationship, different considerations will apply. Some people will want to protect any information about the family getting into the public domain, including photographs, correspondence and so on. But there will always be certain legal carve-outs permitting either party to speak to police, a therapist, a lawyer, etc.”

Oliver Lock, from the privacy and reputation management team at Farrer & Co, commented, “The NDAs we saw involved in the [Harvey] Weinstein scandal would never be drafted by a lawyer now as they’re akin to gagging orders. These days people understand that NDAs are helpful to everyone because it clearly sets out the expectations.

“With the advent of social media, people are much more conscious of drawing up boundaries, as information can disseminate very quickly.”

“It’s also possible that someone might inadvertently take a picture of something that a client wouldn’t want in the public eye. It would not be unusual for high-profile families to ask a child’s new partner or friend to sign an NDA before they spend significant time in the family home or come on holiday with them.”

Another reason Victoria might be feeling anxious about Cruz’s new partner is the froideur between her and Brooklyn’s wife, Nicola Peltz, when Peltz joined brand Beckham. When her new daughter-in-law allegedly refused to even consider wearing a dress from Victoria’s eponymous label at her US$3.5 million ($5.8m) Palm Beach wedding to Brooklyn, it caused a big rift in the Beckham brood. The New York Post’s Page Six claimed there was a “full-on cold war” between Peltz and her mother-in-law that was fuelled by the billionaire heiress’s Tatler cover, which called her “The New Mrs Beckham”.

Cruz Beckham (left) pictured with Nicola Peltz Beckham, Victoria Beckham and Brooklyn Peltz Beckham. Photo / Getty Images

When the Peltz-Beckhams chose to base themselves in the US near Nicola’s family rather than in the UK with David and Victoria, it was seen as a snub to the Beckhams. Presumably, Victoria wants to avoid Cruz potentially relocating to Brazil with Jackie if things do get serious.

Although things now seem friendlier between Nicola and her mother-in-law (they regularly post gushing comments on each other’s Instagram profiles), Victoria enjoyed a better relationship with 21-year-old Romeo’s on-off girlfriend, Mia Regan. Romeo has been linked to the British model since 2021, and she has modelled clothes for Victoria’s fashion line and curated a denim capsule collection for the brand. Although Romeo and Mia announced their split in February — and Victoria was said to be “devastated” — the young couple were pictured holding hands a few weeks later.

So what might a background check on Jackie Apostel have turned up? The singer and producer was born in Sao Paulo to a Brazilian mother and German father. Like Victoria, she had a stint in a girl band before going solo.

Other women who may have been vetted include the model Tana Holding, who had a year-long romance with Cruz, and social media influencer Issey Moloney and Norwegian singer Bby Ivy, both of who have been pictured with the youngest Beckham boy.

If Jackie Apostel does make her way into the Beckham inner circle, she can probably expect an NDA heading her way — if she hasn’t signed one already.

Although, as Caroline Holley adds, in practice, NDAs act as more of a deterrent.

“Any damages you would seek from someone breaking one probably won’t be worth it.”