Six months after Nigel and Natalie's wedding, the broadcaster found out he had cancer. Photo / Amalia Osborne
Six months after Nigel and Natalie's wedding, the broadcaster found out he had cancer. Photo / Amalia Osborne
The psychologist says wife Natalie is his rock.
Renowned broadcaster Nigel Latta says 25 November 2023 was easily one of the best days of his life. It was when he married fellow clinical psychologist Natalie Flynn at Auckland’s Glasshouse venue in a stunning ceremony filled with love and laughter.
Smiles Nigel, “To quote SpongeBob SquarePants, it was the best day ever. The truth is, I love Natalie more than anything, but trying to describe that in a bunch of words seems a bit inadequate. Words are fine for most things, but sometimes they just don’t quite cover it because they’re just little words and it feels much bigger than that.”
An equally besotted Natalie agrees, “We were just basking in love that day. Everything was so nice, and we had all these plans and all of this work we wanted to do together. It was bliss.”
Sadly, exactly six months to the day, their bubble of happiness burst. Nigel was booked in for an endoscopy, believing he probably had a peptic ulcer. However, the upset surgeon told him that she’d found a mass.
“You know you’re a bit f**ked when the surgeon is tearful,” says Nigel, 57. “Initially, we were hoping it was just something that could be removed. Our friend Tanya, who’s a doctor, came with us to the next appointment. That was when we learned I had an inoperable tumour at the bottom of my stomach, as well as lymph node activity away from the tumour.”
The couple booked into a hotel to give themselves some time and space to work out what happened next. Photo / Amalia Osborne
Natalie, 56, admits that they pushed the surgeon to give them a prognosis.
“I told him, ‘We’re both psychologists – we can take it. How long does he have to live?’ The poor surgeon was saying he really didn’t like to do that because he didn’t know for sure. But eventually he said, ‘Alright, six to 12 months.’”
Nigel admits he simply didn’t know how to process the news.
“I felt like everything in my brain kind of unplugged. I remember looking up at the sky and thinking, ‘I have no idea what to do now.’”
The couple, who has five children aged from 14 to 24 between them, booked into a hotel to give themselves some time and space to work out what happened next.
“We wanted to gather our thoughts before we came back to see the kids,” shares Natalie. “We made some decisions together that night. Of course we were devastated, but we pledged to each other to not to become bitter or take it out on anyone else.”
The broadcaster believes a positive outlook and a reason for living can be good predictors of survival. Photo / Amalia Osborne
The pair says they’ve been overwhelmed by the incredible support from family, friends and the public, who have watched Nigel throughout the years on Beyond the Darklands and ThePolitically Incorrect Guide To Parenting shows, as well as taking advice from his books.
Nigel embarked on treatment, and a combination of chemotherapy, radiotherapy and “wonder drugs” meant his health was looking more positive. But then in December last year, he developed an ominous cough.
“Everything was dormant and looking really great,” says Natalie. “When he started coughing, everyone was sure it wouldn’t have spread to his lungs, but then the scans came back and they said, ‘It looks like it’s spread to your lungs.’”
Nigel was told that if his new treatment didn’t work, he had four weeks to live.
“At that stage, six to 12 months was sounding fantastic,” jokes Nigel.
The drugs he’s currently taking work for 62% of people, and they’re helping Nigel, who’s confident he’ll now live for “years and years”.
Smiles Natalie, “That’s the thing with Nigel – he’s so incredibly positive. He was immediately sure it would work.”
Nigel believes there are two things that are good predictors of cancer survival – a positive outlook and a reason for living.
“I have both of those things – a good attitude and my app,” he laughs. “No, no, of course it’s Natalie. She’s wonderful, fantastically clever, irreverent and fearless. I do really love the app too, though!”
Parentland is something Nigel and Natalie have poured hours into. Photo / Amalia Osborne
The app in question, Parentland, is something Nigel, along with Natalie, has poured hours into, in the hope of helping parents with evidence-based advice tailored to the unique developmental stage of each child.
Nigel’s always been acutely aware of the dangers of societal inequality, and hopes the app goes some way to bridging the gap for Kiwis who don’t fall into the 3% of people who get into the public system and the vast majority who can’t afford to pay for private counselling.
“I just believe everyone should be able to support their children through behavioural, eating or sleep issues,” explains Nigel. “It shouldn’t just be for the extreme sufferers or those who can afford a private psychologist. It’s just not fair.”
It was actually through the app that Nigel and Natalie first met. He’d been sent a copy of Natalie’s book Smart Mothering to review and was wowed by it.
“It was a really good book, full of research and rigour,” he recalls. “I thought it’d be good for the app. I was keen to get her on board, so I invited her to Circus Circus [café] for coffee.”
Despite both studying psychology at the University of Otago, the pair had never previously crossed paths. At the time, Natalie had just had funding denied for group therapy for women with postnatal depression.
“I was so frustrated by that experience because it made absolutely no sense,” she tells. “Seeing a psychologist one-on-one is so expensive, and this group would have reduced the cost by 80%. I was all for the app!”
It was after Natalie separated from her first husband that Nigel summoned the courage to ask her on a date.
“Our relationship was sort of a slow burn at first because we were colleagues and friends,” he says. “But after that first dinner out, we were pretty much bang in love. At least, I was!”
Nigel says that being diagnosed with incurable cancer crystallises what’s important in life. Photo / Amalia Osborne
Laughs Natalie, “I wasn’t far behind. Nigel’s the kindest person. I love how clever, gentle and funny he is. We’re always laughing. It just feels wonderful being together.”
Nigel consulted Natalie’s daughter about the style of engagement ring and “shocked the hell” out of her with a romantic proposal in Queenstown in October 2022.
Although Nigel wouldn’t wish it on anyone, he does say that being diagnosed with incurable cancer crystallises what’s important in life.
“The nice thing is that I enjoy working more now than I did before,” he enthuses. “I always used to like doing speaking gigs. It was always kind of fun. But now it just feels like a real privilege to go and do it.
“I‘ve been telling people that Parentland would be ready in three months for about a decade. After my diagnosis, I realised I needed to actually get this thing finished. Natalie and I have spent thousands of hours on it. It’s here and people are now using it!”
“I think that’s the gift of cancer,” he muses. “Because I could have just spent the next 30 years taking everything for granted that’s important to me, like most people. I think everyone knows that love is really the only thing that matters, but it’s letting that change your behaviour.”
To that end, Natalie accompanies him on any trips he takes for speaking events, and they work together on the app and in therapy. Natalie divides her time between the Shelley Beach Practice for eating disorders and working at home. Nigel joins in to help some couples therapy sessions.
“I genuinely love the fact our family business is helping people,” says Nigel.
“Being in love has changed the questions that I ask when I do couples work. I used to ask a lot about things that people enjoyed doing together, but now I‘m much more interested in how people feel when they’re together. Now when I see love, it’s like, ‘Oh, they’ll be all right. Love is there.’”
The Parentland app can be downloaded in the Apple App Store and on Google Play for Android.
