Stephanie Holmes stays at the luxurious El Questro Homestead in Western Australia's remote eastern Kimberley.
Strewth mate, she's a long way. From Perth, you'll fly to Kununurra – either direct or via Broome – and then you'll still have a 90-minute drive. Transfers can be arranged – we had Harley, one of El Questro's rangers and guides, waiting to pick us up in a 4WD with luggage trailer.
Check-in experience: Homestead team member Bonnie was waiting for us with chilled damp towels to freshen up, and lodge manager Lori gave us a warm welcome. As the Homestead only has nine suites, there's no need for lengthy check-in procedures – instead, we enjoyed a glass of Champagne on the lawn while we surveyed the incredible views over the Chamberlain Gorge.
History: The traditional custodians of the land are the Aboriginal Balanggarra and Ngarinyin people of the Wurlajaru nation. The first Europeans to claim rights to the land were the Duracks, who leased cattle stations in the area in the late 1800s. In 1958, the land was acquired on a pastoral lease and El Questro station was created, taken over in 1991 by Will Burrell and Celia Shelmerdine. Legend has it they got one million acres for one million dollars.
Price: A stay here doesn't come cheap – lead-in rates start from $2000 per room, per night. The price includes all food, drink (including alcohol) and some guided tours, and the level of service is high. You're paying for the exclusivity of this intimate property, and the remoteness of its location, allowing you to be far away from anywhere.
Celebrity guests: Kylie Minogue, Hugh Jackman, and Ewan McGregor are just some of the big names who have stayed here.
What's in the neighbourhood? If you're looking for bars, restaurants, museums and art galleries, you'll be faced with a whole lot of nothing. But in this remote wilderness, you'll find billions of years of natural history, stunning native flora and fauna, and outback views to marvel over.
Food and drink:
A real highlight of a stay at El Questro. Executive chef Alan Groom creates exceptional meals featuring local ingredients. Meals are served at a communal table where you can meet the other guests, or you can ask for private dining if you'd prefer. On our first night, we had a table set up on the cliffside next to the gorge, where we kept a close lookout for Charlie, the resident freshwater crocodile, in the river below. Meals for our two-night stay included huge tiger prawns with papaya salad, rack of lamb, freshly-caught barramundi, roasted quail, and homemade quiche, breads and sorbets. Meals were accompanied by a selection of Australian wines, and every day at 6.30pm there were pre-dinner cocktails and canapes. Unless you choose special cellar wines, all this is included in your room rate.
Room: A Gorge View Room, with king bed, desk, air conditioning, ceiling fan, fridge and tea and coffee making facilities. Plus a jar of homemade cookies.
The bed: Fine linens and comfortable mattress, although it was two king singles joined to make a king bed, so there was a slight ridge down the middle.
The view: Looking out over the Chamberlain Gorge, the river and the expanse of outback beyond. No other buildings, no other people, just nothing at all.
Bathroom: This too looks out to the gorge, with floor-to-ceiling windows giving unobstructed views. There are twin rain-head showers and a roomy polished stone bathtub, with ranch slider doors to give indoor/outdoor flow. And because of the room's total privacy, you can shower/bathe with the blinds raised to enjoy the view at all times.
Aesop brand shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, handwash, and body lotion, in large, pump dispenser bottles.
Wi-Fi: Unlimited, free. Some rooms struggle to get reception, but at the main lodge, it's fast and reliable.
Noise: The flocks of corellas can be quite loud from sun up to sundown. At night, there are the crickets and frogs and other strange outback noises we Kiwis are unused to.
Room service: There's no official menu, but it's the kind of place where your wish will be the staff's command.
Tours: There's a range of complimentary options, including river cruises, birdwatching, guided hikes, thermal springs and bush cultural tours. For an added cost, you can also choose horseriding, gourmet picnics and scenic helicopter flights.
Value for money: It's a lot of money to stay here but the level of service you get and the exclusivity of location really are a total luxury.
No gym. There's a small swimming pool but it's not really big enough to do laps. There are hikes in the area, but of course be wary of the local wildlife.
Perfect for: A honeymoon, or very special occasion; a getaway from the world.
The bottomline: High luxe in the outback.