Shelley Howells: Internet addict? Who me?

COMMENT

My rough take on the world has been strongly challenged by an irate reader, who suggests, "Why don't you stop interviewing your bloomin' websites and come and get into the real world? Or are you only playing the Matrix? Huh? Why don't you get into the real world lady?"

For entire moments I did consider disconnecting.

But a quick look around from the workstation revealed grubby carpets and dirty dishes, whining children and abusive phone calls, strong northerlies with occasional showers and Christmas bearing down on us. Why would I? Still, I was worried enough to go online to see if, in fact, I do have a problem.

The Quiz Me Are You Addicted to the Internet? test concluded I am a hardcore junkie: "While you do get a bit of sleep every night and sometimes leave the house, you spend as much time as you can online." So, no worries there.

The Information Super Cul De Sac addiction test is a silly trick that saw me coming, and the Are You Addicted to Online Quizzes Test confirmed what I was beginning to suspect as I checked boxes.

My Quizland test result could have been written by Irate Reader: "Uh oh, you are a full-fledged internet addict. The internet is often the controlling factor in your life. You must try to cultivate other activities before it's too late. You should probably seek some early counselling. Wake up and smell reality."

Yikes. What to do to wean myself from this horrible addiction? Stay online and get help, of course.

The Center for On-Line Addiction was founded by "cyberpsychologist" Dr Kimberly Young, "a pioneer in the study of internet addiction, cybersexual addictions, and deviant on-line behaviour".

The virtual clinic provides, for a fee, email, chat-room and telephone counselling for addicts and their victims (there's a section of the site for cyberwidows) and the resources section has a very interesting, range of research articles on the subject. Here's a quote from one: "Researchers at Carnegie Mellon University have found that people who spend even a few hours a week online experience higher levels of depression and loneliness than they would have if they used the computer network less frequently".

Clearly, flawed research. If the people they studied had spent "many, many" hours a week online, instead of "a few", they'd instantly perk up.

Virtual Addiction is the web site for The Center for Internet Studies. The centre provides services, information, and resources on e-behaviour and internet addiction.

It says "the very nature of the internet lends itself to abuse, leading people to exhibit behaviours that are counterproductive, isolating and abusive - to ourselves, our families, our employers and the community at large". There are lots of self-appraisal tests, including a CyberSexual Abuse Test.

The centre's research indicates nearly 6 per cent of the people surveyed meet criteria for compulsive internet use; more than 30 per cent report using the net to escape negative feelings; and the vast majority admit "to feelings of time distortion, accelerated intimacy, and feeling uninhibited when on-line". I gather they think that's a bad thing.

Time to lighten up with the spoof site F12 Online Anonymous Twelve Step Program whose steps begin with F1: admitting we have no life, and continue through the likes of F8: making a list of people we have neglected and posting it on our home page ... you get the idea.

Internet Anonymous also is a spoof, with addicts' confessions and tips for giving up.

It seems fitting to end with the internet addict's prayer:

Our Computer, which art in the bedroom,

Hallowed be thy mainframe,

Thy modem on, thy chat will be done,

Online, in freeserve heaven,

Give us this day our daily email,

And forgive us our downloads,

As we forgive those who download to us,

And lead us not into temptation,

But deliver us from sex pages,

For thine is the hard-drive,

The Power PC and the internet,

Forever and ever,

Logged on.


* Email Shelley Howells