All Blacks prop Tamaiti Williams is sharing his mental health journey to help others. Photosport
Tamaiti Williams is at the peak of his rugby powers. The 140kg All Blacks and Crusaders prop is such a dominant physical force he seems invincible. Mental health challenges do not discriminate, though. And they can strike at any time.
A year ago Williams’ life was rocked when his daughter Kaea was born 13 weeks early weighing a tender 1.4 pounds (0.63kg). His wife, Alice, endured a difficult pregnancy with preeclampsia, complications typically characterised by high blood pressure and organ damage.
In Alice’s case, her kidneys were not well. She had a caesarean after 27 weeks, which started the rollercoaster road to recovery for Kaea and her doting parents.
As part of a Bupa health campaign, Williams is sharing his story of navigating anxiety with the Herald.
“As I reflect on the experience a year later, it was our first baby so we didn’t understand the extent of what was going on,” Williams says. “We knew it wasn’t right, but when baby was born and we got to see her, we then realised how hard her road was going to be.
“We were told quite early what was going to happen and what her chances were. We got to 27 weeks but the odds were still against her in a large way.
“My partner and I left it in God’s hands. We had complete faith in what he can do. We understood we weren’t in charge. The best thing to do was be there for each other and for our baby and wait it out.”
Kaea spent four months in hospital care – three in Dunedin as the Christchurch neonatal intensive care unit was initially full in April, 2024.
“It’s confronting seeing your baby in an incubator with wires everywhere, breathing mask on and fully dependent on machines, but we were grateful for the facilities, the doctors and nurses to help get her through. If we didn’t have those systems, she probably wouldn’t be here. You get to know the staff quite well. We’re so grateful to them.”
While his daughter and wife were in hospital, Williams commuted to balance rugby duties and the desire to be by his family’s side. He often made the return trip between Dunedin and Christchurch three times a week.
Injuring his hamstring in last year’s opening Super Rugby Pacific match in February proved something of a blessing as it allowed him more time with his wife before and after the birth.
“There were a few air points. Through the whole process, we had the support of the Crusaders as a franchise and the hospital for relocating us back to Christchurch. The whole rugby community really put on a platter for us in different ways – from checking on our house to sending us meals, taking us for a coffee. It was unreal.”
Northland-raised Williams navigated that hectic travel schedule, and the uncertainty of not knowing what the next day would bring for his daughter, reasonably well.
“The days, the weeks, went on. She had a few challenges but, ultimately, we got to come home with her and she’s doing well now.”
Anxiety set in, though, when the All Blacks season rolled around. Spending weeks, months, away from home, particularly on the six-week northern tour in November, stirred emotions he had never encountered.
“You get on with it at the time. You don’t have any other choice. As the year went on and I got to see my family more but it was probably the end of year tour when the real anxiety kicked in around the whole situation.
“It was a different type of pressure. When you’re there with your family, you can hold it down for them, but when you’re on the other side of the world and your wife is at home with your baby, that was a new experience for me.
“We had a lot of support in Christchurch, but with the different time zones, I was worrying ‘is baby okay, is mum okay’. It wasn’t crippling for me but I did lean on a few of the older players in the All Blacks by asking them questions around how they feel when this happens. Those little coffee chats go a long way.”
Mental health pressure points can look and feel different depending on personal circumstances. For Williams, it took time for him to grasp changes in his mood that were attached to separation from his family and an underlying sense of helplessness at times.
“It’s hard to explain, but when you wake up, you might not have the energy you usually do. You might not notice it, but people around you notice you being quieter. I was training well and getting picked in the team, but on the way to training I still had those thoughts, ‘how’s my family’. Eventually, it will eat away at you.
“I’m lucky to have a lot of good mentors in the All Blacks. I found out I was getting quiet and my energy was getting drained. The most important thing for me was talking to someone. That usually fixes it.”
Looks can be deceiving. While a gentle giant off the field, Williams is a big, strong, successful 24-year-old All Black, but he discovered there’s no insulation, no shunning, mental health vulnerabilities.
“Everyone is human. It’s not weak to ask for help if you need to.”
Williams credits his father, Johnny, for instilling in him the foresight to talk to others.
“That’s something my old man was big on so that really helped me in that time. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a hard guy, but he knew when I needed a hug or some words of affirmation. He always said it’s not a sign of weakness. Life can be hard but if you ask for help or put your arm around someone, it can go a long way.
“What I’ve found is there’s usually a lot of other people going through it or experiencing what you’re feeling. I’ve had a lot of messages and conversations out in public with people saying it helps them a lot. If anyone is in that position, I hope they take a positive step.”
Thirteen months on from welcoming their premature baby girl, the Williams family are loving everything parenthood brings.
“It’s the best thing ever. It’s all in God’s timing. He has a plan for us. I truly believe that. Kaea is chirping and telling me off already so she must get it from her mum.”
Liam Napier is a Senior Sports Journalist and Rugby Correspondent for the New Zealand Herald. He is a co-host of the Rugby Direct podcast.
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