Usain Bolt is playing football while Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson are preparing to play off for millions in Vegas - welcome to sport in 2018.

It's unlikely the entertainment aspect of this business has ever been in such clear focus, with Bolt making his debut for Central Coast Mariners on Friday and two greats of the golf world hyping their duel by exchanging banter on Twitter - or the old-golf-man version of banter, at least.

And, you know what, that's totally fine. Sport exists first and foremost to make money. But its secondary purpose is to entertain the masses. (A distant third might be to inspire kids into healthier lifestyles or whatever.)

Woods and Mickelson giving Americans something to watch over Thanksgiving weekend - rather than chat politics with their racist uncle - is certainly entertaining, as is Bolt giving us all something to laugh at.


In such a spirit, I dug deep into my inner Duco and came up with a few more sporting exhibitions that would surely be promoters' dreams.

Tiger Woods debating Trump with LeBron James

We'll stick with Tiger because there are few bigger draws in the United States.

But there are a couple, like Donald Trump and LeBron James. So why not combine the three in the form of a debate, as long as Trump and his 150-word vocabulary is watching at home?

James, as he's outlined so well, has some thoughts about the overstuffed bag of Burger Rings currently occupying the Oval Office. And Woods?

"I've known Donald for a number of years - we've played golf together," he said this week. "He's the president of the United States. You have to respect the office."

Do you, though? Do you really? Have the words 'Trump' and 'respect' ever gone together?

It would be fascinating to hear Woods explain his respect to someone like James. And this isn't only about race - no group is homogenous, even if, as shown in an ABC poll this week, only three per cent of African Americans approve of Trump.


It's about empathy, about realising that while your golfing buddy might not be coming after your obscene wealth, there are some slightly less fortunate.

Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho speaks during a press conference. Photo / Getty
Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho speaks during a press conference. Photo / Getty

Jose Mourinho on the speaking circuit

His managerial magic may have worn off, leaving the Manchester United boss the bookies' favourite to be the first sacked this season, but his rhetorical abilities have never been better.

Asked this week whether he could still be regarded as a great manager if he failed to win the Premier League title at United, Mourinho replied: "Of course. Did you never spend time reading the philosopher Hegel? He said: 'The truth is in the whole. It's always in the whole that you find the truth'."

I have no idea what that means - I never did spend much time reading Hegel - but I know sport would be much more entertaining if more coaches opted for philosophy rather than cliche.

The trial between Colin Kaepernick and the NFL

No one should watch the NFL. It's a (ridiculously entertaining) bloodsport run by awful people. But everyone should be allowed to watch as Kaepernick sues those awful people for locking him out of the league.

The man who sparked one of sport's great protest movements was this week handed a major victory in the courts, with a a bid by the league to dismiss his collusion case rejected, allowing it to proceed to trial.

And that trial should be televised. Think of the white, billionaire owners of NFL teams - who have in private compared their players to inmates - being put on the stand to explain why Kaepernick has no job. Think of the Trump tweets.

This trial should be given the full OJ treatment, only with fewer dead people to put a damper on things.

Serena Williams vs French dude

The most interesting person in world tennis is Nick Kyrgios. I don't ask for much but my new dream is for umpire Mohamed Lahyani to step down from the chair and become Kyrgios' full-time coach, given he apparently had such a profound impact on the impetuous Australian.

The second-most interesting person in world tennis is Serena Williams. After taking time off to have daughter Alexis, the 36-year-old's bid to win a record-equalling 24th grand slam is inspiring; her attempt to wear what she wants while doing so is equally riveting.

French Tennis Federation president Bernard Giudicelli clearly disagrees, deciding this week to introduce a dress code at Roland Garros, one that will prohibit the Black Panther-inspired catsuit Williams wore at this year's French Open.

That particular outfit is designed to prevent blood clots, after they almost killed Williams during a complicated childbirth, and it also looks awesome, so I propose a solution.

Williams and Giudicelli should face off, one set on the clay, Giudicelli has to win a solitary point to enforce his silly rule. And they both wear catsuits.