Goalmouth Scramble: 10 things to do when there's no 2018 FIFA World Cup games to watch

NZME's award winning* football blog Goalmouth Scramble is back. Our rotating stable of football writers will offer daily hot takes on all the action from the World Cup in Russia. Today, Niall Anderson apologises for what you're about to read.

We're currently in the midst of a World Cup drought. There were no games this morning and - shock horror - there's no games tomorrow morning either.

What on earth can World Cup junkies do to get their fix? Here are 10 poorly thought-out suggestions to pass the time before the tournament resumes on Saturday morning.

Sleep

This World Cup has not been hospitable for football maniacs who work regular 9-5 jobs. If you're committed to watching every knockout game at this World Cup, it means waking up at 2.00am for the opening game, maybe getting the briefest of naps in before the 6.00am game, and then strolling off for work, having already been awake for seven hours.

It's not the most practical of arrangements, so tomorrow, make up for it by sleeping for 24 straight hours. I'm sure the bosses will understand, but if they don't, you could always...

Work productively at last

Been bleary eyed at work? Missed a meeting because Janet from Accounts was busy bleating on and on about how Sweden are going to win her the office sweepstake? Well, tell Janet to sod off and knuckle down, those Herald articles aren't going to read themselves...

Get a second mortgage

You'll need it

Re-discover your family

Oh, hi love! How was work? Wow, wow, very inter- hold on a minute darl, they're replaying the Tunisia v Panama game I missed...

Meet your divorce lawyer

Sorry, but watching Tunisia v Panama is grounds for divorce. Them's the rules.

Realise that the result of the tournament will have no impact on anything and it probably has a disproportionate influence on your life right now

Woah woah woah, things got dark there for a minute. Back to lighter matters....

Watch competitive diving

[Insert tired and incredibly lame joke about Neymar here]

Watch the greatest league of all, the NBL

Yes, everyone's favourite sporting league in still on! We're got some good games on tonight and tomorrow – the Sharks against the Rangers and th- ʰᵉʸ ʷʰᵉʳᵉ ᵃʳᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵍᵒᶦⁿᵍ ᴵ ˢʷᵉᵃʳ ᵗʰᵉ ᴺᴮᴸ ᶦˢ ᵍᵒᵒᵈ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ˢᶜʳᵒˡˡ ᵈᵒʷⁿ!

Create bad arguments about the All Whites

"Look – Uruguay and Croatia both have smaller populations than New Zealand – we could be a footballing powerhouse!"

Create even worse columns about the World Cup

(Sorry.)

*Goalmouth Scramble's "award" was more of an inter-company acknowledgement in an email from 2012.

Previously, on Goalmouth Scramble:
Chris Rattue: Why England haven't got a hope of winning the World Cup
Damien Venuto: Why the world might want England to lose
Steven Holloway: 10 thoughts on the World Cup, and why Neymar is a d**k
Damien Venuto: The villains of the World Cup
Joel Kulasingham: The 11 All Blacks who would dominate* the FIFA World Cup
Chris Rattue: Bring on the penalty shootouts
Niall Anderson: So, uh, which of these World Cup teams are actually good?
Steven Holloway: Funbag: Messi and World Cup conspiracy theories
Michael Burgess: Why I'm missing Sepp Blatter
Cam McMillan: The far too early second round projections
David Leggat: A few things you need to know about the World Cup
Damien Venuto: Messi - The Argentinean Andrew Mehrtens?
Cam McMillan: Why Brazil will (and won't) win the World Cup
Niall Anderson: The best (and worst) games to watch
Chris Rattue: Funny footballs and goalkeepers
Chris Rattue: The big World Cup questions
Steven Holloway: Fancy a punt? The World Cup's best bets