What's left when the roar of the crowd fades?
It is a question Brad Thorn finds himself contemplating more often these days.
The 35-year-old lock knows that all going well, next year's World Cup will be his international swansong, but he's not sure that he will be ready to surrender his body to a life less physical.
More to the point, he doesn't know how to surrender.
"When I retire," he says, before pausing as if the thought was still too raw. "Geez, running out in front of those crowds about to play a test match, you're nervous, you're anxious, but it's something I'm really going to miss."
It is gratifying to hear.
In these days when players are accused of putting their hip pockets ahead of the hearts, Thorn - admittedly a wealthy man after several lucrative contracts across two codes - has never lost that primal connection with the game.
When he enters the colosseum, the first thing he does is run in a circle.
"Wherever I play, I pretty much do a 360 to soak in the crowd. I embrace it," he says.
"That's why, [when] we go to places like Soweto I don't get overawed because I'm loving it. At Soweto, when there's 94,000, I'm looking at them all basically just trying to suck it all in."
Twice, at Soweto and at Dublin's Croke Park, he has found himself smiling at the singing of the opposition anthem because of the noise and atmosphere that is feeding on the anticipation of the masses.
"If you send me out in front of an empty stand, I'm hurting."
He would have seen a few empty stands at AMI Stadium in recent years, but there's no danger of that happening at Twickenham this weekend when the All Blacks attempt the first and probably most difficult leg of their third grand slam tour in six years.
Against an England pack that will be big, will be set-piece focused and will be physical, Thorn shapes as a pivotal figure - the All Blacks enforcer in a multi-skilled, multi-dimensional pack.
One of the features that have made the league convert such a big part of Graham Henry's plans, is that he is acutely aware of his role within the side and how that fits into a bigger picture.
Thorn admitted he could never have been a pro tennis player, skier or shot putter. It is the camaraderie that spurs him on; the knowledge that if he does not do his job properly, then one or more of his teammates suffers.
"The camaraderie for me is massive. We've all got mates but when you play footy, you rely on your mates. If I don't push behind my tighthead prop, he can get really physically beaten up. He's got to trust that I'll be there.
"We're mates but there's this extra bond and connection."
Given his love of team, his love of the adrenaline that comes with playing on the biggest stage, it is easy to deduce that life after rugby might take some getting used to. "I'm thinking about it at the moment really seriously," Thorn says.
"It's a huge hole because I know how much I love it, I've been doing it since I was six. When I was a kid I was tall for my age and had bad acne and all sorts, but when I was on the paddock I was needed, I was big and could play.
"It was a good place to be out there.
"So when that stops ... I'm going to have to think about that."
He had a taste, in 2002, when he didn't play for a year, but he didn't like it much.
So his thinking is that he might take just one last contract, probably for two years, when he finishes with the All Blacks.
After that he'll really put his mind to thinking about another life.
"After footy I want to be equally excited about challenges and things I'm going to do."
He might not know what he wants to do yet, but he knows what he doesn't want to do.
"I don't want to be the guy at the barbecue that goes, 'Remember blah, blah, blah ...'," he says.
Brad Thorn on...
The crowd at Croke Park in 2008: "It still gives me a tingle to think about the way those people respected the game. I was in awe of the way they [embraced] the game. I was privileged."
On standing at the end of the line during the anthems: "This will sound funny, but I don't like being touched that much before a game, I like my own space. I know it sounds a bit crazy ... it sounds like a cranky old man."
On the haka: "I know it's a big issue. I try to honour the tradition, I loved it as a kid and try to do it to the hilt - but the key moment for me is the kickoff."
On any feeling in life that might replicate the adrenaline rush of running out in front of a big crowd: "I don't know if I can talk about that."
