The Mighty O is here!
No, I'm not taking Roy Orbison, for obvious reasons, Oprah, or, the very taboo, orgasm (can I even use that word?)
I mean Obama ... or should that be Oh bummer?
Forgive me for not falling over myself in utter wonderment and sycophantic hero-worship, at his arrival, and at the risk of becoming less popular than I already am, what's the big deal and more specifically, what's to celebrate?
His expense to New Zealand tax-payer? His costly drain on the severely under-resourced New Zealand police? The constant mindless headlines of where he's been spotted. What rubbish bin or public toilet he made use of. What jewels his putters are encrusted with or how low the carbon footprint of his Gulfstream jet is.
Has Michelle come with him to give Cinders lessons on how to plant a veggie garden at the PM's residence or perhaps share hints on how to host an ab fab Easter egg hunt in parliament grounds?
With the promise, of course of no sexual harassment or the serving of alcohol to minors!
Comedy at its best or what?
A smiler, a nodder, and a well-seasoned fence-sitter, he told the people what they wanted to hear.
He may be the epitome of the genuine nice guy, on a personal level, but as a politician, it's my opinion that Obama was about as ineffective and unremarkable as he could be.
For the first Black Prez (is that descriptor acceptable?) he couldn't have been more vanilla if he tried. Afraid to rock the boat, he was little more than a nodding mouthpiece, like those retro rear window dog ornaments from the 60's and 70's. Someone needs to revive those little buggers, with trendy breeds like Labradoodles!
Let's get real here. We're talking about the US president with the MOST SCHOOL SHOOTINGS, in history EVER, under his belt, yet Donald Trump's personal politics gets blamed for just one.
Harvey Weinstein was, if allegations are correct, offending pre-Trump: ie in Obama's days but it's the Trump style misogyny that is used to add weight to the #metoo movement.
Yep, it appears Trump's responsible for all the sexual crimes that pre-date his presidency yet Obama and Bill Clinton appear completely blameless.
I wonder whatever happened to Monica Lewinsky?
A freak lone gunman kills civilians in Las Vegas on Donald's watch ... the subsequent vitriol is as damaging to Trump as the bullets yet the Batman Movie Massacre and Boston Marathon bombing are never attributed to Obama's presidency. Strange that.
This once-president came to power on the promise of bringing the troops home and ending the war in Iraq, then – according to John Pilger's documentary The War You Don't See – went on to approve the biggest spending on war in history. What a bold face liar.
Had his wife not put in so many appearances on the Ellen De Generes Show, he would probably have not secured a second term.
But let's thump Trump in the hope the mindless will be distracted from the truth. I'm surprised that Trump hasn't yet been held responsible for the death of Stephen Hawking ... with his fringe/combover being hailed as the real "big bang" that killed him.
Naturally, the pig-ignorant will wrongly assume that if I'm against one I must be for the other.
You don't need to be a Trump-eter to expect a modicum of balance and fairness in reporting. It's the Libra and those scales of justice coming out in me.
I can only hope our government sticks to its transparency claims and we get to see the real dollar cost of hosting this supposed hero of the free world.
Just as I hope Obama's Gulfstream comes complete with plenty of vomit bags ... because those scrambling to kiss his a*se will need them.
It seems only fitting to end with a hashtag inspired by Muppets.
#obamanahdodoodododo. Smile loudly.
Please putt your feedback to email@example.com