KEY POINTS:
Pacific Island men will be urged to shun family violence and become better husbands and fathers at an event in South Auckland tonight.
Gladiators of Change, being held in Otahuhu, aims to change the view among Pacific Island men that being tough is the only way to raise their families.
The Ministry of Youth Development's manager for the Pacific Youth Development Strategy, Nick Tuitasi, said a lot of Pacific Island men thought being tough put them in control.
"They fear that if they are soft and show that they care, their kids will go off doing whatever they like," he said.
"There was one guy who came to last year's Gladiators of Change who said he had to have the fear factor to have control of his family _ he had to rule with an iron fist. But it was pushing his family away."
Led by the Anglican Trust for Women and Children, the event involves all schools in Otahuhu. Trust chief executive Wilson Irons says the desire for better fathers came from local schools, which saw a need for better connection between fathers and their children.
"Fathers are really important in children's lives. They need to hear what their children are saying, be with them at sport and get involved with them," Mr Irons said.
Gladiators of Change is only one of the trust's initiatives to stamp out family violence and encourage better parenting.
Involved with more than 5000 Pacific families each year, it also has anger management and Pacific-focused learning programmes.
About 250 Pacific Island fathers attended last year's event and organisers hope it will spread further afield next year.
This year's guest speakers are former All Black Inga Tuigamala, Laughing Samoans comedian Tofiga Fepulea'i and Mr Tuitasi, who was a police officer for 25 years.
"Having Pacific Island role models standing up and talking about parenting, gets them thinking: `If he can stand up, then I can stand up too'," Mr Irons said.
Father of three teenage girls, Mr Tuitasi said creating a good relationship between parents and children was important for a child.
"I take my girls out on specific nights and talk to them, get to know what's happening in their lives.
"One day they'll have husbands and I hope that they'll treat my girls right, as husbands and as fathers too.
Mr Tuitasi acknowledged that cultural protocol and tradition were heavily involved in parenting, but said there was a need for balance.
