Auckland woman in lockdown grieving fourth baby loss wants his name known

Jupiter was the fourth baby Danielle has lost. Photo / Supplied

WARNING: This story deals with pregnancy and baby loss.

An Auckland woman grieving the loss of her fourth baby says she wants people to know his name.

Danielle Muaror lost her son Jupiter earlier this month, after he was born at 24 weeks on October 17, weighing only 730g and measuring 33cm.

"He lived for two days, was absolutely perfect and he was just everything I had ever wanted," she said.

But Jupiter began to go downhill on the second day, developing serious bleeds in his lungs and brain.

"When his oxygen levels hit 10 per cent, I was told I could leave him on the ventilator and he would eventually pass."

"Or I could take him off the ventilator and hold him while he passed. I chose to hold him."

In alert level 3 lockdown, Muaror was only allowed one allocated support person in hospital, but on the final day her parents were allowed in on compassionate grounds.

Covid restrictions meant Muaror had to see her son off at the funeral gate, surrounded by security, which she described as "very inhumane".

"We were not allowed to take him in or accompany him up the doors of the crematorium," she said.

"Only the funeral director was allowed in.

"Watching my precious boy be driven into the cemetery without me while stand outside surrounded by security was hard."

Jupiter was the fourth baby Danielle has lost. Photo / Supplied

Jupiter was the fourth baby 30-year-old Muaror had grieved since 2017. She lost daughters River and Winter before they were born, at 15 and at nine weeks.

In 2019, her baby son Jasper was born at 15 weeks and lived for an hour before dying in her arms.

"This is pretty unheard of at how tiny he was, but I am so grateful for the time I had with him," she said.

Muaror described the grief of losing a baby as "soul destroying, devastating, heart-breaking" but wanted to keep talking about Jupiter, River, Winter and Jasper.

"I want more than anything for people to know his name, and my other angel babies' names," she said.

"This is how we keep their memory alive, by talking about them, celebrating their birthdays and bringing awareness."

"As a parent to angel babies, this is not how we expect to parent, but it is still parenting."

Jupiter was born at 24 weeks, weighing only 730g and measuring 33cm. Photo / Supplied

It could be hard to find support, especially for early pregnancy losses, and Muaror said it could be isolating for women and couples experiencing it for the first time.

"It's hard, it's isolating, it's lonely and confusing.

"I feel like even in today's day and age talking about baby loss can be quite a taboo subject, which is horrible."

She said charity groups Baby Loss New Zealand and Sands New Zealand provided great support, but there could be more understanding from doctors and the wider public.

"If you know someone who has lost a baby, please be there for them," she said.

"Talk to them about their babies, mention their names and never forget them. It means more than we can ever explain.

"It will never get easier for us, but knowing others care, recognise and remember our angels does help."

A Givealittle page has been created to raise funds to remember Jupiter, which already totals more than $2000.

Where to get help:
Sands New Zealand
Baby Loss New Zealand