The warning signs were there before William Wakefield murdered his infant stepson.
He was controlling, jealous, sometimes bordering on cruel, and five-month-old Lincoln Wakefield's family barely saw him at all. The behaviour ticks many of the boxes for men who kill their stepchildren.
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Lincoln was rushed to hospital on June 11 last year with fatal brain injuries after his 32-year-old stepfather shook him several times, causing an unsurvivable brain bleed.
It wasn't the first time Wakefield had shaken the baby - a previous attack had caused another brain bleed and the final shake pushed him over the edge after a build-up of fluid and pressure in his skull.
Wakefield, who admitted to the killing but said it wasn't intentional, was found guilty of murder by a jury of eight men and four women in the High Court at Wellington yesterday.
He told police he was upset Lincoln wasn't his own child, and shook him because he wanted to hurt him.
"Men who are step-parents, if they're going to kill the stepchildren, it is more coming from a place of ownership over the woman, their partner," said anti-family violence group Shine's general manager, Jane Drumm.
"This child or children are visible signs of his woman being with another man ... His whole focus is about ownership and control and regarding his partner as being his to make decisions about."
What Drumm says fits the narrative.
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Wakefield started his relationship with Lincoln's mother when she was already pregnant, and it was not long before the controlling behaviour started.
Not long after having the baby, he convinced her to return to her work at a hairdressing salon while he stayed at home with Lincoln.
When the mother wanted to buy food for the family, Wakefield would transfer her the exact amount she needed so she could pay for it.
Family rarely came to visit, and Wakefield would not let the mother post photos of the baby on social media, conscious of the fact Lincoln did not look like him.
All these things were red flags, things Drumm said occur in numerous abusive relationships.
Wakefield's jealousy around Lincoln was clear in his police interview.
"I was in my own stupid world, I don't know why I did it. He's just not mine, it's hard for me to look at him," he said.
He told police he wanted to love Lincoln, but his frustrations grew when the baby was born and clearly did not look like him.
There were other signs of cruelty. Wakefield put Lincoln's bassinet in the bath one night when he would not stop crying, despite the mother's fears it would be too cold for him in the bathroom.
There was also a photo of Lincoln with a headband wrapped around his face to keep a dummy in his mouth.
"If you're there as a father figure in that house then any signs of cruelty have got to be taken really seriously," Drumm said.
She also said there was a large overlap showing men who abused children were also likely to have abused or to be abusing their partner, or vice versa.
Wakefield has not been charged with anything other than his abuse of Lincoln.
Drumm said family members and friends should keep an eye out for the warning signs in other cases. If relatives have been stopped from visiting, "that's a really bad sign".
"These women are not to blame. They don't go looking for somebody that's going to hurt themselves and their children. Like, nobody does."
Drumm believed nobody could say they didn't know assaulting a baby or small child was likely to kill them.
"Anyone growing up in New Zealand ... should know by now that they risk, whenever they assault a child physically, they risk killing that child.
"It's really important that we think actually, this woman didn't do this, the man did, and why is this happening? What are we doing to our young boys that they grow up in this country to hurt other people? What are we exposing them to?
"Maybe it's all the children who didn't die, who grow up to do this."
Wakefield will be sentenced in July.
If you're in danger NOW:
• Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours of friends to ring for you
• Run outside and head for where there are other people
• Scream for help so that your neighbours can hear you
• Take the children with you
• Don't stop to get anything else
• If you are being abused, remember it's not your fault. Violence is never okay
Where to go for help or more information:
• Women's Refuge: Free national crisis line operates 24/7 - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 www.womensrefuge.org.nz
• Shine, free national helpline 9am- 11pm every day - 0508 744 633 www.2shine.org.nz
• It's Not Ok: Information line 0800 456 450 www.areyouok.org.nz
• Shakti: Providing specialist cultural services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and their children. Crisis line 24/7 0800 742 584
• Ministry of Justice: www.justice.govt.nz/family-justice/domestic-violence
• National Network of Stopping Violence: www.nnsvs.org.nz
• White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men's violence towards women, focusing this year on sexual violence and the issue of consent. www.whiteribbon.org.nz