JACINDA ARDERN

Cindy is a national embarrassment. It's impossible to take her seriously. How did she ever get this job? What good has socialism ever done? Look at Russia. Look at Venezuela. Now look at New Zealand. We're seconds away from collapse. Things are worse than they ever have been. No wonder people are dying in the street.

THE COHEN HEARINGS

Fake hearings. That's what's been going on in Washington. Michael Cohen thinks just because he worked for 10 years in the office right next to President Trump that he can call him a liar, a con man, and a racist. But their offices were separated by walls. Very thick walls, unbelievable walls. Cohen would have you believe he listened through fake walls. Fake walls, made of paper. But if there's one thing President Trump knows about it's building walls.

JACINDA ARDERN

Cindy is a joke. It's impossible to take her seriously. The rumours coming out of Wellington are hair-raising. Her own staff are terrified of her and the Labour caucus is meeting in basements to talk in whispers about bringing an end to her reign of terror. Apparently, her father is the Son of Satan, which makes her the Devil's granddaughter. Well, there's nothing grand about what she's doing to New Zealand.

THE MAINZEAL RULING

Listen, it's not like Dame Jenny Shipley was personally responsible for the building company's collapse. The High Court upheld claims of reckless trading made against four directors, not just the former prime minister. But, of course, once a witch-hunt is in progress, nothing can stop it – and right on cue, there goes Winston Peters, putting the boot in. His nasty little comment makes one thing clear. This isn't about reckless trading and four directors being found liable for $36 million of damages. This is about politics.

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JACINDA ARDERN

Cindy is pathetic. It's impossible to take her seriously. As a hard-line communist who learned everything she knows at the feet of Stalin, her economic policy is simple – tax the people more and more with every passing day. The Government's Tax Working Group is a time bomb that is set to tear apart the very fabric of New Zealand society. Soon we'll all be living in rags made out of that torn fabric. These are dark days, the likes of which no one has seen before.

MIKE HOSKING

He's a lone voice telling it like it is in today's left-wing fake news media.

LEIGHTON SMITH

He's another lone voice telling it like it is in today's left-wing fake news media.

SEAN PLUNKET

Oh and there's Sean, too, as well as Matthew Hooton, David Farrar and many others.

SIMON BRIDGES

He's a respected politician who has widespread support.

JACINDA ARDERN

Cindy is the clown from the movie It. She pokes her painted, grinning, evil face up from the underground sewers and offers bright red balloons to innocent taxpayers – and then snatches their hand, and taxes it, and drags their family into the gutter, and tears off their flesh, and laughs. It's impossible to take her seriously. It's impossible to take her seriously. It's impossible to take her seriously.