• Waiters who say, "Are we ready?", "Are we having the oysters?". No, but we are.
• Oversharing on Instagram. Or too many hashtags.
• Gender-themed food at the supermarket. Why can't a woman eat the "man-sized" bangers and mash heat-up meal?
• Freeze-dried fruit, ruining perfectly good puddings at restaurants. If it isn't seasonal, don't serve it.
• Shared seats at restaurants. Like the new banquette built for four that the restaurant insists will seat six.
• Plastic bags and straws. Think of the turtles!
• Using the word "literally" wrong. People literally don't know how to use it.
• Undeclared influencing on Instagram. We all know you got that product for free.
Plastic bags at Whanganui Resource Recovery Centre. Photo / Wanganui Chronicle • Hysteria over every Donald Trump tweet.
President Donald Trump. Photo / AP • People who play music or watch videos on public transport without using headphones. Or people whose conversations are too loud.
• People who don't indicate when they change lanes.
• Black face. It's 2019, not 1919.
• Auckland Motorway traffic. Or traffic anywhere.
• Climate change deniers.
• Anti-vaccination activists.
• Twitter. It's turned into a cesspit of hate.
• Talking throughout the movie. And loud popcorn eaters. It's a film, not a buffet.
• Eating on public transport. It smells and we don't want to hear you chew.
• People meandering in front of you on the footpath. Especially if they're on their phones. Move to the side, we have places to be!
• "Clean" eating. And carbohydrates being branded a dirty word.
• The Kiwi mentality of not accepting compliments.
"Your hair looks nice tied up." "Yeah, I haven't washed it".
"I like your top". "Really? It was only $20."
Art Green with Matilda Rice runs his Clean Paleo brand. Photo / Bay of Plenty Times • Red light running.
• Motorbike and scooter riders pushing in traffic. Wait your turn.
• Junk mail. More unnecessary waste.
• Over-enthusiastic whooping and cheering, at meetings, concerts or any event. We're not America and this isn't an Oprah Winfrey show.
Stop whooping. This is not the Oprah Winfrey show! Photo / Chris McKeen • Rain in summer.
• Humidity. It's unnecessary and horrible.
• Briscoes sales. Is a sale a sale if it happens every day?
• Chuggers who make you feel bad that you don't have any cash. We haven't carried any for 10 years.
• Street window washers. Again, we have no coins to give you.
• Cold callers.
• Rubbish trucks which don't empty the whole bin.
• Whale strandings.
Two humpback whales stranded on Ripiro Beach on the West Coast of Northland in August. Photo / Northern Advocate • Uninsulated, damp Kiwi homes.
• Shops which run out of fans in summer.
• Ridiculous parking prices in the Auckland CBD.
• People cancelling plans at the last minute. We know you just want to go home and watch TV/trawl social media in your PJs.
• Bus drivers slamming on the brakes at every stop.
• Facebook chain letters, "99% of you won't share this". How right you are.
• Not being able to get a tradie. Or tradies not showing up on time, or at all.
• Idiots with fireworks. Leave animals and people who want to sleep alone.
Work • The gender pay gap.
• Piped music - in the toilets, in the kitchens.
• Colleagues who say "look who decided to show up" or "look what the cat dragged in" when you've come back after holiday. Or worse, if you're returning from a sick day.
• Colleagues who say "that was fast" when you leave for a meeting but come back to your desk seconds later obviously because you've forgotten something.
• Your idea being ignored in a meeting, only for someone else to say it louder and get all the credit.
• Using the phrase "reach out". Surely you just mean call? Or email?
• Taking something "offline".
• Vaping in the office doorway. Come on, you're grown people men in clouds of mango and coconut smoke.
• Colleagues who leave dirty tissues or food on your desk if you are hot-desking.
• Forced work fun.
• Inflexible working hours.
• Long meetings.
We can all do without long meetings. Photo / File • Sexual harassment.
• Bad weather on the weekends and good weather when you're sitting at your desk.
• Re-heated fish in the office kitchen.
• Forgotten mouldy food in the office fridge.
• Unreliable air-conditioning.
• The "reply all" function on email.
• Disappearing office cutlery. Or always-dirty cutlery.
• IT issues.
• Paper cuts.
• Few women in positions of power.
Politics Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern. Photo / Mark Mitchell • Abortion in the Crimes Act.
• Child poverty.
• Public health service waits.
• National Party leaks.
• New Australian Prime Ministers.
• One more person referring to "Burning Bridges". It sounds like you have Winston whispering in your ear.
• Bullies.
• KiwiBuild scandals.
• Brexit updates.
New KiwiBuild home owners Derryn Jayne and Fletcher Ross with Jacinda Ardern. The Govt were accused of giving Kiwibuild homes to those who could afford them. Photo / Greg Bowker • The Prime Minister missing question time.
Travel • Getting charged when your suitcase is only slightly overweight.
• Airport staff throwing your bags.
• Flights where food and drink aren't included in the ticket price.
• Over-sized carry-on taking up the baggage hold.
Be considerate to other travelers, take a small carry-on bag. Photo / Greg Bowker • Flight passengers who recline too far back in their chairs. Especially when you are watching a movie or trying to use the food tray.
• Children behind you who kick your chairs.
• Crying babies on long-haul flights.
• People who choose the window seat but need to get up to go to the toilet too often.
• The chicken running out before the trolley gets to you.
• The trolley just getting to you, then rolling on by because they need to re-stock.
• Pool chair hoggers. Just because you've put your towel down, doesn't make it yours!
• Obnoxious jet-skiers.
• Queue jumpers.
Entertainment • Another fake celebrity death off the Kauri Cliffs... or anywhere in New Zealand (think Jeff Goldblum, Tom Hanks, Orlando Bloom).
• Kanye West rants.
Kanye West is prone to rants. Photo / AP • Rumours of a Friends reunion. It's not happening!
Jennifer Aniston guest starred alongside Courtney Cox on the Season Two premiere of Cougar Town. But they're not likely to reunite for a Friends movie. • Another nineties girl or boy band reunion. We've already got the Spice Girls, Atomic Kitten, Backstreet Boys, Westlife, Boyzone and Take That.
• Marvel superhero movies with more than 12 superheroes.
The 2018 Spice Girls (minus Victoria Beckham): Geri Halliwell (ginger spice), Melanie Chisholm (sporty spice), Emma Bunton (baby spice) and Melanie Brown (scary spice). • Fortnite - the online game that is melting the minds of children across the globe.
The video game Fortnite has teens addicted. • Magazines or celebrities themselves airbrushing/digitally-altering their images.
• Celebrities pushing weight loss products on social (think Iggy Azalea, Kim Kardashian and Cardi B).
Kim Kardashian was slammed for posting this advertisement for a diet lollipop. Photo / Instagram • More reality shows.
• Concerts sold out within minutes.
• Viagogo.
• People being ripped off by Viagogo.
• People wearing big hats in front of you at concerts.
• Short celebrity/marriages engagements. Give us normal people something to aspire to! Ariana Grande, we're talking to you.
Ariana Grande broke up with Pete Davidson after a four-months engagement. • Baby Shark...doo doo doo doo doo doo.
• Rain at Mt Smart every time an international act plays.
Taylor Swift performs in the rain at Mt Smart Stadium in November. Photo / Getty Rain-soaked music fans during the Foo Fighters concert at Mt Smart Stadium in February. Photo / Chris Loufte. • Auto-tuning.
• Bursting into song every time someone says "let it go". Thanks Frozen .
• Another rapper whose name begins with "Lil".
• Atmospheric conditions on Sky.
Sport Kieran Read. Photo / Getty • World Cup heartbreak. Go the All Blacks!
• Poaching high school rugby players.
• Drug cheats. Keep it clean.
• Theatrical football players.
• Misbehaving league players (and Mad Monday celebrations).
The Sydney Bulldogs were issued with a fine after images of players stripping naked emerged after Mad Monday celebrations. Photo / David Neilson • Players/coaches taking "learnings" or "work-ons" "moving forward".
• Reviews into allegations of sporting organisations' failures. And reviews reviewing reviews.
Oklahoma City Thunder Center Steven Adams . Photo / • Speculation on whether Steven Adams will ever play for the Tall Blacks. He won't. Maybe.
• Black Caps batting collapses.
• Conor McGregor theatrics.
Conor McGregor holds up belts during a news conference for the UFC 229 mixed martial arts bouts in October. Photo / AP • The once-mighty Blues continuing to be perennial under-achievers.