My to-do list for 2015 by Prime Minister John Key:
1: Smile more. Remember that my smile is my greatest political weapon, the one that keeps me relatable to the common people who vote for me. Smile began to slip during election campaign but we are back in power now, so time to turn the frown upside down. Even though sometimes it hurts your face to smile all the time you have to remember John, that without your smile you are Muldoon Lite.
2: Go to as many Cricket World Cup matches as possible. It is important to be seen at sporting events John, because it shows you are both in touch with the common people (because you are sharing their love of sport) but also that you are a leader (because you are in the flash seat with the important people). Need to talk to advisors about wisdom of wearing orange Tui T-shirt just in case I catch the ball.
3: Go to as many Rugby World Cup games as possible. Like the Cricket World Cup only much more important because not just Indians and Australians making up global TV audience. Need to stress to public that it was under a National government that we won the last World Cup - forge psychological link to justify presence at whole tournament. Possibly try to sell me to public as AB good luck talisman? But potentially risky to tie AB fortunes to me personally because what if we lose in quarter finals like 2007? Mind you, that was Labour at the time so we can blame previous government for that. Must practice handshaking to avoid repeat of cock-up with Richie and French bloke last time.
4: Be seen as a global leader. Why wasn't I asked to walk through the streets of Paris against terrorism or whatever? When things like this happen I need to be one of the top five politicians people want to call to be at their thing - certainly in the top 10.