Shelley Bridgeman: Hark, the irksome modes of folly

The end of the year is nigh, so it is an appropriate time to reflect, to pause and consider all those questions that have plagued us for months.

Our encounters with people in restaurants, cafes, shops and on the road can be most perplexing.

For example, why do restaurant staff wait until you have your mouth full of chargrilled squid and chorizo sausage before asking you how your meal is? Is that why they are called waiters - because they wait for the most inappropriate moment?

It's an uncool practice and should be banned. As with many such bad habits, it is usually seen only at the finer establishments which ought to know better than to make customers feel uncomfortable.

Talking of poor service, I entered an empty Ponsonby cafe one afternoon this month. As I walked in, the waitress walked out to wipe some outside tables and I waited patiently at the counter for a few minutes.

Suddenly the telephone rang and the waitress (who had ignored me) raced urgently back inside, past me and out the back to answer the phone.

The caller must have hung up by the time she reached the phone, but at least its ringing had lured the waitress inside and at last she served me. Her behaviour raised a lot of questions, though.

Why was a ringing telephone deemed more important than a customer looking for a decaf latte? How could she gaily ignore a person but bow to the demands of some inanimate object? Perhaps I should have called her on my mobile to get her attention.

Some shops could do better, too. Why, in this technological age, do certain shopkeepers insist on laboriously writing our purchase in an old-fashioned book complete with sheets of carbon paper (remember that?) threaded through? If that is their chosen method of stock control, fine. But they ought to do it on their own time and not force customers to wait.

Many of our queuing systems could be improved as well. I love the organised queues where all the customers feed into a single line, then each person takes their turn at gaining access to the next available operator. They are fair and equitable - and we see them all too infrequently.

Most of the time, such as in supermarkets, we must take our pick from several shorter queues. This can be a highly stressful task and requires eyeing up shoppers already in line - and assessing how many items they have in their trolley and whether they look like the dithering type.

But how many times do you get behind a person who looks supremely efficient and who has just a few items, only to discover that they have some sort of complex requirement, such as a refund? The operator must then call the supervisor who, in turn, calls the manager. Earnest dialogue erupts - and suddenly the queue behind the mother of screaming triplets with an overflowing trolley looks speedy in comparison.

We all know that sinking feeling upon realising we have chosen the wrong queue. Why do we never seem to make the right decision in these instances?

Often bookshops and garden centres have only one checkout open and terrible queuing injustices can arise when a second checkout is suddenly opened.

If I am third in line and an adjacent checkout opens, I always let the person waiting in front of me go to this new position. They have been there longer - it's only fair.

But whenever I happen to be second in line and a new checkout opens, you can be sure that numbers three and four in the queue behind me peel greedily off and scurry for this new operator, leaving me to wait my turn. Some people have no manners. Shops should not put systems in place that rely on customers' reasonableness because, as we all know, some people are more reasonable than others - and it is the well-behaved ones who invariably are penalised.

We take it for granted that the roads are chaotic at this time of year, but the inefficient strategies of many motorists certainly do not help the situation. Why do some drivers approach roundabouts with the mindset that they are going to stop no matter what?

It's so frustrating to be behind these people. Don't they know that the point of roundabouts is to keep traffic flowing? News flash: if a car is not about to plough into you from the right, you can continue.

You don't have to wait for all cars that happen to be in sight to pass you by.

Doesn't everyone understand the theory that if four cars coming from four directions reached a roundabout at the same time, they could all keep going safely? It doesn't mean they all have to stop, look limply at each other and wonder what to do.

And, finally, why do some cars tweet and chirrup noisily when they are remotely locked and unlocked? It's a nasty sound and there is no need to advertise the fact you have this remote facility. They are dime a dozen these days.

Full marks to the models that just blink their indicator lights in silent acknowledgment instead.

* Shelley Bridgeman is an Auckland writer.