KEY POINTS:
It'll be the same resolutions for me this New Year - drink less alcohol, eat less of everything, do more running, read more books, say no to speaking engagements and debates.
And while I'm on the subject of improved behaviour, my editor would say if he could grab me by the scruff of the neck and shake me (but he can't because he'd go before the Employment Court): "Can you please get your Australian geography right? The third Ashes Test was at the Waca in Perth, Western Australia, not Adelaide as you wrote last week". To which I'd answer: "Yes, and I'll stop giving Helen Clark another e - Frenchly feminising her name will not make any difference".
Now that's cleared the air, back to 2006's demise. Yet again I'll break those resolutions within the first week of 2007 - except for speaking engagements and debates, on which I've already put my foot down. Addressing a room of strangers is so nerve-wracking I do more than simply breach the drink-less resolution; I proceed to turn myself into a budding alcoholic. In 2006 I refused all debates, and only - regretfully as the date loomed closer - accepted one speaking invitation. That's it, my past audiences will be pleased to know.
As for the eating problem. Well, I did take comfort from Nigella Lawson who asked herself: "Do I want a good figure or a good lunch"? A good lunch was her answer, to which I would add, washed down by a good champagne or pinot noir. And after all, I enter 2007 as a woman the French politely call d'un certain age aka post-menopausal. Too much information, you're thinking, but it's a way of explaining why those mid-torso rolls of fat refuse to shift even after 45 minutes' jogging three times a week, swimming 1km three times a week and walking the dog six times a week.
Thus I take comfort in more good wine and baking a large batch of chocolate cupcakes with rose icing.
So who or what can we look forward to seeing, and hearing, more or less of in 2007?
For starters, we could eliminate the words "at the end of the day" from our lexicon. Doesn't the start of the day matter any more? Is it a pre-requisite phrase for every interviewee on Morning Report? Yes, I know, according to Roget's Thesaurus it does mean "finally" but, like "segue", it's become everyone's shiny new "finally" - mean it and shut up?
We could also see fewer precocious and obnoxious children in television advertising. I don't care if some grandparents in Wales want to see their toddler granddaughter in New Zealand via cyberspace (or however it works). There's the boy who discovers a rope in the water and pulls New Zealand closer to the world's big cities; a bespectacled brat in a dental nurse's chair; two impossibly happy nappies driving a jeep to a surfing beach - it all makes me want to throw up and puts me off the product.
Thirdly - and this will surprise my critics _-Telecom should stop promoting the breathtaking speed of its internet services. Always a supporter of Telecom's property rights, I put my money (or, to be precise, my husband's money) where my mouth is and signed up for an Xtra broadband deal. What a mistake that was! After three visits from technicians and a fee of $140 to connect, endless calls to the Xtra helpline (where staff, I must say, are exemplary in their polite assistance), I might as well have stayed on dial-up. The only advantage is that I can talk on the phone when I'm on the internet. My daughter in London sent me an email on December 2 which reached me on December 18, and countless others have disappeared into the ether. Don Brash goes to the cops alleging his emails were stolen - I'd just like to receive mine.
What could we see more of? Personal politics. Go on, you know you'd rather read the secrets of Rodney Hide's weight loss than Act's education policy (does it have one? Ed.) Don't blame the journalists for accentuating the negative _ stop buying the papers. You don't really need to know about the Prime Minister's husband's embarrassing moments. Buy some wine and get sozzled instead. Or eat cupcakes.
And let's see more of uber-brainy Russell Brown. Is there anything this man doesn't know about? Journalism ethics, copyright, defamation, internet, music, art, cricket - quickly someone, give him an honorary doctorate. And more of folksy Jim Mora - afternoon naps would be impossible without "reeling in the years". And you thought Wayne Whatsisname was soporific, right?
Finally, 2007 should see greater support of the Kiwi-Penguin Protection Society. An endangered species of just one, the kiwi-penguin looks like the ordinary penguin - diminutive with staring eyes - except it's completely bald. Its self-preservation instinct is remarkable as it travels the globe being photographed with famous people, recording its progress by the minute. Donations can be made to www.kiwipenguin.co.nz.
Happy New Year, cupcakes.
