In two days I'm back at work and my son is 2 months old.
Am I going back to work too quickly? I dunno. Do you know?
I agonised over this decision. My friend Sho has raised three kids and thinks two months is very soon, which sounds like her gentle way of saying too soon. My mum thinks it's too soon. One of my closest friends Sia is my boy's godmother and she thinks it's too soon as well.
But a writer I know went back after three weeks, my friend Sarah went back after five days, and the accountant never really stopped working.
My husband reckons I need to go back. My boss says we'll make it work. And the midwife says I need to do whatever is good for me. That's her diplomatic way of avoiding actually giving me advice one way or the other.
I can see why she wants to avoid saying what she actually thinks. Turns out this is quite a controversial little subject. You could probably do three hours of talkback on it.
Callers on one side would argue that going back at two months is selfish. Callers on the other side would argue that dads are just as good at raising babies as mums are.
Right now I just want to know if I'm going to cope.
How on earth do you get through a day's work on this little sleep?
At least once a day I walk into the kitchen, start a sentence and then can't remember what I meant to tell my husband. Neither of us care any more. If it's important I'll remember in five minutes. If I don't remember, I was probably just being bossy anyway.
It's a bit of risk doing that on the job though. Talking in full sentences helps when you're on the radio.
Also, how am I ever going to get the grocery shopping done? Because seriously, this little guy takes up all my time when I'm at home fulltime. Never mind when I'm only at home half the time. Grocery shopping is now a day's main excursion. If it needs to be done, that's the entire Wednesday spoken for. I duck out to the supermarket at the start of the nap, get it all done and get back by the end of the nap - God willing the little man hasn't woken up halfway through.
I feed him, play with him a little and then put him down again. That's 90 minutes after getting home. Only then can I unpack the car and pack the fridge. Does raw chicken survive 90 minutes in the car?
I dunno. Who cares. At least the groceries are done. I don't have the energy to worry about food poisoning that may or may not happen.
I wish I'd bought a better clothes dryer. I wish our house didn't have 54 steps between the street and the top storey. There are times at 3am that I wish I lived in the same city as my mum.
Of course I'll be fine. We all know women who've coped with far worse than a bit of sleep deprivation, stinky chicken and 54 steps. And they've still raised stellar little humans.
And many, many of them have gone back to work because they had to not because they wanted to. And many of them don't have supportive partners who want to take over parental leave.
I have a huge amount of respect for all working parents today, two days away from becoming one myself. If you've done it, you're a legend. Wish me luck. I think I'm going to need it, along with a bit of sleep.
• From Tuesday, du Plessis-Allan will return as host of her NewstalkZB Drive show from 4pm-7pm. Her Herald on Sunday column will return later in the year.