“Lots of little things, and that all adds up. That takes a massive toll on a person.”
But it didn’t stop there, and things started to escalate when he broke into her home and set fire to her house.
“He turned up one night with a weapon, and when he couldn’t gain entry, he carved a cross in my door. I thought I was gonna die.”
Tracy says she couldn’t eat or sleep and spent most of her days looking over her shoulder. She eventually went to police, and after finding out that her ex had a history of violence, she applied for a protection order. Tracy says even though her experience was unbearable, she was “lucky” his behaviour escalated so quickly, because if it remained insidious, she believes she would’ve had little recourse.
“It’s sort of ironic to say that I was lucky. It gave me grounds to apply for a protection order, but it had to be at that level. It had to be setting fire to my house before a protection order was in order.”
That’s because right now, New Zealand doesn’t have any specific stalking legislation, and victim advocates say police lack the teeth and tools to deal with it.
Harassment laws do exist, but they’re mostly treated as a civil matter.
Protection orders, like Tracy’s, are available to those who’ve been in a relationship with their harasser, and restraining orders for those who haven’t.
But the threshold for proving harm is high, and many like Tracy, say the orders aren’t fit for purpose.
“It’s very much designed for, I think, very obvious physical violence. You have to prove that you have a case.”
“The cost is on me to pursue that in family court, which I did, to the tune of $15,000 over almost two years. It’s not accessible for a lot of people, and it’s exhausting and it’s just putting the onus back on the victim to try and look after themselves.”
Survivors want the onus to be on police and say that can only be done with specific stalking laws.
Last week, Labour picked the campaign trail to announce changes, and after two terms in government said if elected, it’ll “consider” adding stalking to the Crimes Act.
But even after the announcement, there’s no relief for Tracy.
“Until we get laws in place, and until we get education into the legal system we’re not gonna have any change, and we need change.
“It’s very suspicious timing.”
National has also jumped on the bandwagon, saying it’s something it’d look at in government too.
But Tracy wants to know why now. Because she says this isn’t the first time she’s been let down after speaking about her case back in 2016.
She says an opposition MP tweeted about her case and urged action at the time.
“She became a minister in Cabinet in 2017. I had ongoing issues and I emailed her and said, hey, that story that you tweeted, that was my story. Here’s what’s happening now, what are you gonna do about it?
“She did not reply.”
Tracy says she doesn’t believe any election promises until a bill goes before the House.
“We don’t need policy, we need action.”
* Names have been changed to protect identities.
