It hit melater – not the email, not the guilt, but the irony. I talk a lot about disconnection, about what our kids are facing today, and in that moment, I was part of the problem.
On paper, it makes perfect sense. Cyber bullying is real. Social media addiction is real. Exposure to harmful content is real. A 1News Verian poll says most New Zealanders support the idea. Parents are scared. Teachers are exhausted.
To me, this ban feels like part of a wider trend: blaming something external because it’s easier than looking in the mirror.
We say our kids are addicted to screens. But so are we.
We say they don’t communicate, while we answer them mid-scroll with, “Just a second, I’m reading this”.
How often have we handed a child a device in a cafe or the car, just to get a break? Then we turn around and blame that same technology when things go wrong.
Christopher Luxon supports an under-16 social media ban amid rising concerns. Photo / Getty Images, Phil Walter
In every school I visit, kids tell me the same thing – they’re sick of hearing adults yell at them to get off their phones and go outside.
The truth is, that kind of nagging never helped anyone. It just widens the gap.
And if you’re reading this and thinking, “I don’t do that” – great.
But then why support a ban?
Here’s the reality: phones, social media, and the internet are the way people will communicate in the future. We might not fully understand what that means yet – but banning it won’t help.
Progress doesn’t wait for permission. If we applied that same fearful logic to the telephone, to the television, or the internet itself, we’d still be writing letters by candlelight and waiting days for the news to arrive.
The real issue isn’t what kids are looking at – it’s how they feel before they ever pick up a device. If a child feels seen and supported, they’re far more likely to bounce back from a nasty comment or online drama. But if they already feel invisible, unworthy or disconnected, one cruel message can tip them over the edge.
Social media doesn’t create those feelings – it magnifies them. The platform isn’t the problem. The foundation is.
And let’s not pretend things were so perfect “back in our day”.
My dad had two newspapers a day. He wasn’t scrolling Facebook, but he was just as checked out. And I was just as desperate to feel noticed.
I carried that feeling into adulthood. I buried it in humour, in drugs, in alcohol. And when I became a father, I swore I’d do it differently.
But I didn’t. I got busy. I got distracted. I was present, but not really there. And my kids felt it.
Now we’re here, passing judgment on a generation of kids glued to their screens, while barely looking up from ours. It’s easy to call for a ban when we’re not the ones being asked to change.
And that’s the other part of this that troubles me.
It seems like every adult is gathering their evidence from other adults who think just like them. Not one poll has asked kids what they think. Not one news segment I’ve seen has featured a young person talking about their experience online.
We’re designing solutions for them – without them.
So no, banning social media won’t solve what’s wrong. Because what’s wrong isn’t on a screen. It’s in the silence between us.
Our kids don’t need judgment.
They don’t need prohibition.
They need us.
They need time.
Validation.
A safe place to land.
Social media didn’t steal that from them. Disconnection did.
