Unlike most reality series, there's zero suspense in The Kardashians. The events depicted in the show made headlines months ago. So there's a mapping on of present-day knowledge that becomes part of the viewing experience. It's sad watching Kim talk about how much she trusts her boyfriend Pete Davidson knowing they've now broken up.
Of course, for viewers who've been with them since the start, it plays out like a real-life soap opera and I'm sure they feel connected to these characters in the same way another generation feels about the characters from Coronation Street. But unlike in a soap opera, very little happens in an episode. The reason the Kardashians ended Keeping Up was because they wanted more control over what was included in the show. The result? The Kardashians is a lot of conversations - conversations at the breakfast table, on Kim's bed, on Kendall's couch, at Kourtney and Travis's Airbnb - about things happening but not a lot of things actually happening.
And, of course, wealth-porn.
I can understand the family's original motivation for making this show - fame - but now they're the most famous family in the world, why on earth would they continue to over-share? A generous assessment would be that they feel a loyalty and commitment to their fans. A more cynical one would be that they simply can't bear the thought of slipping into irrelevance.
Probably the most embarrassing possibility would be that they believe they have something truly valuable to offer the world. There are a lot of life lessons according to the Kardashians peppered throughout. Gems like "Everyone has problems … and we've just gotta deal with that" and "You have to have a breakdown to have a breakthrough sometimes." Forgive me if I go elsewhere for my self-help advice.
HE SAW
I knew most of the Kardashians' names and some of their faces, but although their adult lives have been lived almost entirely in the public gaze, they have passed me by in a way their predecessors - the Nicole Richies, Lauren Conrads and Paris Hiltons - did not. Even though I mostly didn't watch the shows that made those others famous, I somehow always knew what was going on in their lives. When I watched my first ever episode of The Kardashians last week, I had no idea what was going on and had to repeatedly ask Zanna who was who and why. In other words, somewhere between The Simple Life and The Kardashians, I lost track of the zeitgeist.
It's scary to realise that you have reached the age where not only are you no longer relevant but you no longer even know what relevance looks like. For all I knew, the Kardashians themselves were no longer relevant. I was shocked to discover, during one of Zanna's many in-show googlings, to discover that Kim is already in her 40s.
Of course, cultural relevance is no longer driven primarily by television. All relevance is now first and foremost a product of one's social media presence, and the Kardashians have a lot of that. Of the five that provide the bulk of the show's material, the least prominent on Instagram, Kourtney, has 200 million followers. Kim has 331 million, Khloe 275 million, Kendall 258 million and Kylie 371 million. US streaming company Hulu, which now airs the show, does not release viewer data, but its ratings peak in the pre-cable days was 2010, when it had 4.8 million viewers. By 2020, episodes were sometimes attracting fewer than a million.
It was not my decision to watch the show, but when Zanna suggested it, I was surprised to discover I wasn't opposed to it, and once we started, I was astonished by the ease with which I watched. We had planned to only watch two episodes but when Zanna suggested we watch a third, I was shocked to discover myself putting it on without even a question. The rhythms of the format were so familiar they were almost comforting. The on-camera conversations were as meaningless and refreshing as a cool breeze. Apart from the fact it wasn't especially entertaining, it was the perfect light entertainment - for those of us irrelevant enough to still be watching TV.
The Kardashians S2 is streaming now on Disney+
