Dominique Francis says opening Redroom Wellness became her outlet after going through multiple rounds of IVF. Photo / Olivia Kirkpatrick
Warning: This story references infertility and miscarriage. Please take care.
Dominique Francis launched her business Lullabuy in 2022 - an online platform for Kiwi parents to buy and sell pre-loved luxury baby goods. But behind the scenes, she was experiencing heartbreak after heartbreak trying to conceive a child of her own. Here, she tells the Herald about her gruelling experience with repeated IVF treatments, the new venture that’s given her an outlet, and what’s giving her hope for the future.
When Dominique Francis started her first round of IVF shortly after she turned 30, she was “so excited”.
“I just wanted to tell everyone,” she tells the Herald.
“My husband was like, ‘You know, darling, just be careful, because it might not work. And I just was like, ‘But it will, and if it doesn’t, we’ll go again’.
Now 34, she’s since undergone 10 rounds of IVF, including egg retrievals and embryo transfers, travelled to the US four times for fertility treatment, and has been diagnosed with unexplained infertility, or recurring pregnancy loss.
Francis, who married property guru Mark Francis in 2022, always knew there was a chance she might struggle to get pregnant because of her endometriosis.
“But I really had no understanding of just how difficult it would be ... I sort of felt like my life was either preparing for an IVF cycle, during an IVF cycle, or waiting for results.”
By the third round, she says, “the struggle hit”. By the fifth, she would avoid seeing people, dreading the well-meaning questions about how it was going.
“If someone asked, I would burst into tears ... it takes a little part of you away each time. Each time you have to build yourself up a little bit more. With IVF, you push it down, you’ve just got to keep going. And that’s the thing that people don’t see, there are days that are really hard.
“Last year I had two miscarriages, which was really hard - the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
In 2022, Francis had launched online platform Lullabuy, where Kiwi parents could buy and sell pre-loved luxury baby items.
But as she was going through IVF, it got to the point where she just couldn’t bear to look at the website and see baby clothes and accessories when she was experiencing disappointment after disappointment herself.
“It was so heartbreaking to struggle with figuring out how I was going to be a mother and how I was going to have a child, and to just be constantly surrounded by people who were looking for baby items or wanting advice,” she recalls.
“IVF is very all-consuming. It’s hard to be around people, especially in your 30s when everyone’s having a baby, everyone’s going to baby showers. Everyone is talking about their kids. I just felt like I was part of a club that I don’t want to be part of.”
Francis decided to take a break from IVF treatments, and brought in a close friend as a business partner to take over the day-to-day running of Lullabuy.
When she saw that Studio Red Wellness in City Works Depot was up for sale, she took it as a sign to buy the space and start Redroom Wellness - something she’d dreamed of doing since she “got hooked” on infrared heated pilates and red light therapy during her stints in the US for fertility treatment.
“I decided that I needed to do something for myself that I could actually achieve. I guess Redroom sort of came about because I was like, ‘I need to do something I know I love, I know I can do’.
“This is my outlet for the journey I’ve been on. There are so many benefits that come from putting a routine in place and having a practice that not only serves you physically, but mentally.”
That routine became her saving grace, she says. “If I could get up, go for a walk and get a workout and do something good for myself, I felt like I was achieving enough.
“The funny thing is that my journey through infertility and IVF has actually brought me to exactly where I feel like I should be.”
Despite multiple disappointments, that journey isn’t over, Francis reveals, as her doctor has suggested surrogacy as the next step.
“My husband and I had always said to each other we would never do it, because it’s really complicated here and the laws don’t really protect an intending parent,” she says.
In New Zealand, surrogacy is legal if it’s altruistic - you cannot pay someone to carry your child.
The intending or donor parents do not have any legal rights until they officially adopt the child. When the baby is born, his or her legal parents are the surrogate mother and her partner.
After weighing this all up, the couple finally decided together to reach out on social media, sharing a video of countless pregnancy tests - a stark picture of everything they have gone through over the past few years.
“After 4 years of failed IVF we are on the hunt for a surrogate who is willing to help make our dreams of having a baby come true,” they wrote.
Francis says her phone “blew up” and that multiple people have since reached out to her so far about becoming a surrogate.
“Luckily for me, one person reached out who is a very dear, old friend, someone who I really adore and respect and someone I trust,” she shares with a smile.
“And so all the anxiety around maybe things not going to plan - because you do hear of horror stories or people changing their mind - that has been removed because I’ve known her since I was 17 or 18.”
The next steps involve having their potential surrogate mother undergo health checks and counselling, and working with lawyers and Oranga Tamariki to prepare for the formal adoption process, which is “a little bit daunting”.
A meeting with ECART - the Ethics Committee on Assisted Reproductive Technology - is set for December.
“They ultimately will decide whether we can proceed. It’s scary - I don’t really want to think about what would happen if it didn’t get approved because I don’t know what I would do next,” Francis admits.
She’s made an oral submission to the health select committee for the Improving Arrangements for Surrogacy Bill, which proposes updating New Zealand’s surrogacy laws to include more safeguards for parents, surrogate mothers and children.
“I think there should be more rights for an intending parent,” Francis says.
“Children should 100% know where they come from and if we are so fortunate to have a baby via surrogacy, I will 100% be sharing that story with him or her when it eventually comes up.
“But it’s hard to fathom that you can go through the process of IVF, pass over something that is genetically yours to someone who has agreed to help you, and then potentially have that not go to plan once the child is born.”
If the bill passes, commercial surrogacy will remain illegal. But having “some form of agreement, to protect the surrogate as much as it is to protect the intending parents”, would help safeguard all those involved, she adds.
What would it mean to her if this process leads to the outcome she’s been longing for?
“There’s not much else in the world that I would put ahead of being a mum,” Francis reflects.
“I’m really fortunate to have three beautiful stepchildren who have made my life so much better, and I see the joy firsthand my husband has with his children and my friends have with their children.
“When there’s that sort of voice in your head and it doesn’t go away, it’s never going to go away until you get there. And that’s generally what keeps me going. You can’t silence it. It’s not something you can turn off. It’s either a part of you or it’s not. And for me it’s a massive part of how I see myself.”
Through it all, she’s still able to say that “everything happens for a reason” - and she’s grateful for what the experience has taught her so far.
“You’re able to put yourself in other people’s shoes a lot easier. When you’ve dealt with heartache, you’re able to take yourself to that place when you hear about someone [else’s] heartache.”
Five years ago, Francis never would have thought she’d be reaching out on social media to ask for help having a child.
“No one grows up thinking that’s how it’s going to happen for you.
“But what I’ve learned through this is if you are able to be a little bit vulnerable and open up and just ask, and share a little bit of your story, it opens the door for so many other people.”
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Bethany Reitsma is an Auckland-based journalist covering lifestyle and entertainment stories who joined the Herald in 2019. She specialises in telling Kiwis’ real-life stories, money-saving hacks and anything even remotely related to coffee.
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