(Grand)parental leave: Should grandparents get paid for childcare?

Should grandparents be included in paid parental leave? Photo / Getty Images

If you’re a parent and lucky enough to live close to your extended family, chances are you rely on them for childcare now and then, particularly if you work full-time and struggle to afford the cost of daycare. But what if your child’s grandparents or other family members could be included in your paid parental leave?

Sweden has just passed a law allowing parents to reallocate some of their paid parental leave to grandparents during their child’s first year. Swedish couples can now transfer 45 days of their combined 480 days of leave to their child’s grandparents, while a single father or mother can transfer 90 days.

In New Zealand, primary caregivers can take up to 26 weeks of paid parental leave and can transfer some or all of it to their spouse or partner. After those six months are up, many Kiwi parents often have to choose between going back to work and forking out most of their weekly pay for daycare, or staying home until their children are old enough to start school.

It’s often debated whether we should pay grandparents or other family members for helping out with our kids, or if it’s just part of being a grandparent. But what if some of the cost was covered for you?

Should grandparents get paid parental leave in New Zealand?

Viva beauty editor Ashleigh Cometti and her husband are parents to two boys, aged 4 and 18 months. Her oldest started at a private daycare when he was 14 months old before moving to a public kindy three months ago, while her youngest started daycare at eight months old.

“I couldn’t have returned to work after the birth of my eldest son without my mum and mother-in-law,” Cometti says.

“He was six months old, I was still breastfeeding, and I didn’t want to enrol him in daycare so young. For eight months they took it in turns to look after him while I worked and, as a result, he didn’t start daycare until he was 14 months. I will always be so deeply grateful for their support throughout my experience as a first-time mum.”

Now, she counts herself “extremely lucky” that her mum and mother-in-law are still able to help out with childcare during the week.

“My mother-in-law is retired and my mum works shiftwork, which means she’s pretty available during the week. Every Monday, my mother-in-law and Mum alternate looking after our 1-year-old from 8.30am to 4pm while I work remotely.

Viva beauty editor Ashleigh Cometti was able to return to work thanks to her mother and mother-in-law sharing childcare duties. Photo / Ashleigh Cometti

“They’re both very hands-on with our two children and are always happy to help out if I need to pick up an extra work day or attend a work event. The privilege of having them live locally isn’t lost on me, either.”

If there had been the option to transfer her parental leave to her mum or mother-in-law a year ago, she would have jumped at the chance.

“It only seems fair. While neither of them have ever expected payment from me personally, I’m always trying to show my appreciation in other ways – delivering coffee, flowers or little treats where I can.”

For some, the availability of family members to help with childcare is a factor in deciding when to start a family.

“I’m trying to hold on until my mum is at least semi-retired, so she could help with caregiving, but that won’t be happening any time soon,” said one woman in her mid-30s, who asked not to be named.

“Without at least some parental help I don’t know we would afford childcare otherwise. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to feeling incredibly guilty about seeing my parents as a solution and source of free labour.

”I’m worried if I put it off too long the window of opportunity will shut.”

Newstalk ZB newsreaders Raylene Ramsay and Malcolm Jordan helped their daughter and son-in-law with childcare for their granddaughter Emiliana, now 4, until she started daycare.

Ramsay tells the Herald: “My husband and I looked after Emiliana on Mondays and Fridays. It certainly helped money-wise, but Emmy was also about 6 months old, and they wanted to gradually introduce her to daycare.

“This certainly enabled our daughter to return to work earlier.”

Ramsay says it was “an absolute delight” to spend those days with her granddaughter.

“As a parent, and a first-time parent, there is a lot of pressure and so many unknowns. It enabled Malcom and I to focus on her needs and enjoy her with no constraints. That is the absolute beauty of being a grandparent.”

Ramsay admits it was challenging at times to manage the care of her granddaughter, her mother and her career.

“As part of the ‘sandwich generation’, it was sometimes tiring, as my mother was still alive, in her 90s!”

She says including grandparents in a parental leave policy would be “amazing and a huge bonus for all family members to allow that flexibility, although I imagine certain businesses would not find it beneficial”.

Would this policy work in New Zealand?

University of Auckland senior economics lecturer Dr Asha Sundaram points out that Sweden already has a much more generous parental leave policy than New Zealand.

“So it might be easier for parents in Sweden to transfer a larger chunk of their entitlement – but that doesn’t mean that we cannot adapt it to the New Zealand context.

“The other thing is that not all couples might have parents available to chip in. For example, in indigenous communities, life expectancy is lower. For migrant communities, the parents may be overseas. So it might even make sense to see if we can expand what is meant by a caregiver, or maybe even a member of the community.”

Sundaram notes that spending time with caregivers other than their parents can help children to forge independence and social skills.

“For grandparents and the kids, there’s research that suggests that spending time with each other is good for behavioural and emotional outcomes. In fact, also for extended family, which includes aunts and uncles, there is some research suggesting that they impact health outcomes and academic achievement for the children.

Many Kiwi parents rely on grandparents for help with childcare so they can return to work. Photo / 123rf

“For parents, the biggest benefit is the flexibility that it gives them to return to the workforce. And I think there’s also a broader societal benefit, which is, if we have happier and healthier adults, that’s great for society. The other thing is, the more individuals we have in the workforce, that can be good for the economy broadly.”

Sundaram’s research shows that, when times are tough economically, employers hire and promote fewer women, who are more likely to take parental leave.

“They think that women will not come back ... So if there is a policy where both parents can flexibly navigate this, then that kind of statistical discrimination can be mitigated.

“For women especially, there’s some research that shows taking too much time off can negatively impact their work outcomes if they do have a career because they lose some of their human capital. So if this helps them to come back and regain some of those skills, that’s good for them and for the economy.”

It’s not just mothers whose careers could benefit from this policy. Sundaram points out that it could enable grandparents to continue working as well as looking after their grandchildren.

“People are living longer, so retiring at 65 is still a luxury for many people. More seniors are in the workforce now than ever before.

“So if this policy allows grandparents to still keep their jobs and help out wherever possible, then that’s great.”

Why spending time with grandparents is good for kids

Neuroscience educator and child development expert Nathan Wallis says any time spent with grandparents is beneficial for children – and those who live close enough to see them often are even luckier.

“The grandparents who are more involved tend to have a deeper quality relationship because they know the child better, they understand the child’s quirks better and they’re more involved in the day-to-day dramas and tribulations of the child,” he tells the NZ Herald.

The grandparent-grandchild relationship is a unique one, Wallis explains.

“Grandparents are probably the only other people in the children’s lives that love them as much as their parents, but grandparents are more skilled, more patient and tend to be more child-centred. Parents tend to be more directional in their speech to children and more focused on following rules and behaviour, whereas grandparents tend to be more focused on the emotional wellbeing of the child and how the child feels, and this in turn often creates a higher-quality relationship.”

Unlike in previous generations, it’s no longer the norm to live close to grandparents, he points out.

“This isolation puts much more pressure on the family unit, so allowing parents to transfer leave could help to accommodate for the distance and allow grandparents to be more involved. We know the more grandparents are involved, [we] tend to see better outcomes for the whole family, including the grandchildren.”

Spending time together is good for both grandparents and grandchildren - and helps give parents a break. Photo / 123rf

Parenting techniques may have changed over time but what parents and grandparents will always have in common is love and care for their children and grandchildren. Wallis’ advice to new grandparents is to communicate about how you can be involved in your grandchildren’s lives.

“Jump in, get involved and just work out the new parenting techniques as you go – your input is incredibly valuable.

“A quick conversation with people around you about how important their grandparents were to them will probably highlight to you just how crucial this role is and how central it is to the wellbeing of children.

“While not all children have the luxury of involved grandparents, generally the ones that do sing highly of the benefits – so take a risk and get involved.”

Whānau Āwhina Plunket chief executive Fiona Kingsford says New Zealand could learn a lot from Sweden’s approach to paid parental leave.

“The reality is, here in Aotearoa New Zealand, we have around 10,000 grandparents raising their grandchildren, and there are many working parents who rely on grandparents to cover childcare every day so they can meet the day-to-day challenges of parenting a young family.

“In addition, it is clear that there are mutual benefits to wellbeing for both the grandparents and their mokopuna from spending time together. In fact, research shows there are cognitive benefits for everyone. It’s a win-win situation.”

Bethany Reitsma is an Auckland-based journalist covering lifestyle and entertainment stories who joined the Herald in 2019. She specialises in telling Kiwis’ real-life stories, money-saving hacks and anything even remotely related to coffee.