For the Sex.Life podcast’s third season, host Morgan Penn - a Kiwi sexologist – is on a “quest for love”. Currently single, she tells the Herald about her dating experiences ... and disasters.
What can listeners expect from the third season of Sex.Life?
This is my “quest for love”. Asa sexologist, I spend my days helping people have better relationships and sex lives and I feel like this is a blind spot for me. My heart yearns to find my one true love. A journey back to teenage me, where I navigated first boyfriends, first kisses, losing my virginity, and the subsequent dating, mating and relating that have led me to where I am now.
After putting my body on the line for the last two seasons, I thought it was time to talk about something that has been 23 years in the making.
How would you describe your current relationship status?
Being footloose and fancy-free. Not having to consider anyone else in my spontaneous and rogue decision-making. Orienting my life around pleasure, whether that’s spending all day with my darling girlfriends, eating crackers and cheese for dinner or having a drawer full of sex toys.
Not having forehead strokes at the end of the night. The loneliness that seeps in when you just want to be held and share the thoughts that are all-consuming.
How do you approach dating?
I just live my life, say yes to every invite so I’m out in the world and rely on my friends to set me up with people they vouch for. I treat it as a fun time and a chance to meet lovely new humans.
Do you use apps? If so, which ones and why do you like them?
Not currently. I’ve tried all of them over the years, not always for myself, but so I can recommend ones to my clients. It really depends on what you are looking for. I like Hinge for people looking for something serious. FEELD for the more conscious and kinky, Amor for a unique match-making experience.
What are some of the best dates you’ve been on?
Ones where the man is creative and takes the lead. One was when someone picked me up took me to the beach, built a bonfire, poured me champagne and cooked me venison skewers he had killed himself. Or the one where someone picked me up and drove me to Rainbow’s End because I had had a very serious week and he thought I needed to play.
And some of the worst?
Recently, he picked me up and called me his passenger princess, drove me to a surprise restaurant, only for me to notice he was wearing two gold and diamond grills on his eye teeth. He proceeded to take them off at the table and put them in a miniature container, and put in his pocket. I left my jacket at the restaurant, and he kindly went back the next day and picked it up. When I let him know we weren’t the right fit, he was gutted. He never returned my jacket.
Sex.Life features Morgan Penn and Hayley Sproull. Photo / NZME
What tips do you have for other Kiwi singles looking for love?
Work on your self-worth so that you don’t settle for crumbs. Put yourself in places you don’t normally frequent. Sign up for things that you’ve always wanted to try, chances are, you’ll meet new people and bond over a common curiosity. The hottest tip: be brave and use eye contact, no one will know you’re interested if you’re too shy to look at them.
What should people who are looking for love NOT do on dates?
Treat the date like a job interview and interrogate the other person. Talk about your ex in a bad light, or if you do, make sure you share your own self-reflections of how you contributed to the ending of the relationship. Keep checking your phone. I know we use it as a safety blanket these days, but put it away. Don’t overshare. People have to earn the right to hear all the juicy details of your history.
How does it feel to be sharing your personal stories with listeners?
It’s always a bit tender, and I usually get a vulnerability hangover after every episode drops, but I always get the most beautiful responses from listeners and a lot of “me too” stories, which makes it all worthwhile.
What do you hope listeners will learn from your stories?
I want people to feel less alone in their journeys, whether that’s with their bodies, relationships, sex lives or self-worth. I hope to bring healthy sexuality into the light so we can live in a more safe and sex-positive world.
