Bulletproof Monk

By EWAN McDONALD

(Herald rating: * *)

This is a movie set in Tibet in 1943 but filmed in Canada and involving good guys and bad guys, men who can fly, something inscrutable called the Scroll of the Ultimate and a lead character called The Monk With No Name.

I point all this out at the beginning in case anyone confuses what follows with a movie set in the Wild West in the 1870s but filmed in Spain not very recently and involving bad guys and worse guys, horses that can move really slowly, and an inscrutable lead character called The Man With No Name. (Some people may already be confused with A Horse With No Name by America in 1972 but they are truly sad cases and need not concern us here.)

So, it is Tibet in 1943. The Nazis, with a complete disregard for historical accuracy, are in the Lost Kingdom to capture the Scroll of the Ultimate. "Whoever reads it aloud in its entirety," an ancient monk explains to a learner monk, "will gain the power to control the world."

The young monk takes responsibility for the Scroll but not his identity because he becomes The Monk With No Name (Chow Yun-Fat). Immediately special effects break out all over the temple and the Nazis attack. The Monk escapes by jumping off a high cliff and philosophising his way out of a slight disconnect with the principles of gravity.

Sixty years later, the Monk is taking the New York subway (why, when he can fly?) Kar, a pickpocket (Seann William Scott, who can't have been as well paid for the American Pie flicks as we thought) nicks the Scroll and falls into the hands and other body parts of an underground gang.

This is led by Mr Funktastic (Patrick Hagarty), who has his name tattooed across his chest in case he forgets it, and the Bad Girl (Jaime King), who is not bad (in a philosophical sense) at all. Martial arts follow, secretly observed by the Monk, who realises that Kar might be next in line to guard the Scroll.

Fortunately for his immortal future, Kar is a projectionist at a rundown cinema called the Golden Palace which specialises in playing old karate movies, which gives him plenty of time to study all the right moves. Now that is as far-fetched a plot device as ever seen in one of these chop-socky flicks and ought to convince you that I am not making all this up.

What should also convince you is the knowledge that I sat through almost two hours of this so you won't have to. For whoever watches it will gain the power to control its world, through the big red button on the top right of the remote.

DVD features: movie (109min); commentary by director Paul Hunter, producers Chuck Roven and Doug Segal; The Monk Unrobed feature with comic book creator Michael Yanover; The Tao of Monk, five short behind-the-scenes features; 16 minutes of deleted scenes; behind-the-scenes photo gallery; trailer.