Sideswipe: Match of the day

'Five a side'. Photo / Supplied

Feeling mortgage pain? Could be much worse ...

If you think a mortgage is onerous today, the terms of early mortgages were downright frightful. While the concept has its origins in Persia thousands of years ago, the Romans refined it and took the idea to Britain. There, the terms for borrowing to buy land were varied and always in favour of the creditor. In some cases, the lender would use the collateral property to generate income which paid for the loan. In other cases, the borrower made payments. Whether the borrower got any use of the land at all during this time was on a case-by-case basis, so land loans were often more like a lay-by idea. But if the lender decided to demand full payment at any time, the borrower might be completely out of luck and lose his entire investment!

New Pizza delivery. Photo / Supplied

New Pizza delivery

Remember pornographer Steve Crowe’s Boobs on Bikes meander down Queen St displaying something half the population can see anytime they want? Well, comedians Chis Parker and Eli Mathewson have modernised the concept into a Balls on E-bike riff to plug their new show Chris & Eli’s Porn Revolution, their push to destigmatise porn.

Marriage is ...

Just told my sleeping husband I lost two lbs, to which he replied, with his eyes still closed, “I’ll help you find them. We’ll look later”. With no help from my husband at all, I did, in fact, end up getting the two pounds back, thanks to my friend French Fries.

What a good sort

A reader writes: “I caught my first bus in 25 years today to Newmarket. On the return trip a passenger got on and tied to ‘Touch On’. After his 3rd failed attempt, he said to the waiting bus driver, ‘I’d better get off’. The driver asked him to take a seat and rang up a nil value trip on the ticket machine. It wasn’t ‘free ride try on’ and I felt humbled by the driver and his free ride ‘Captain’s Call’. This is as life should be.”