Best advice you've even been given ...
1. "If you end up on the floor ... Pick up something."
2. "You have two ears and one mouth. Use them in that ratio."
3. "See nowt, hear nowt, paddle your own canoe."
4. "Try to remember that almost everyone is a well-meaning dickhead with piss poor communication skills, yourself included."
5. "If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis."
6. "Never chase a man/woman or a bus."
7. "If a man/woman calls you after midnight they are after one of two things, sex or sympathy."
(Via The Decent Fellows' Society)
Memorable pet names
1. "Early in the war, during an air raid, a cat walked into my grandmother's house. He had a square head, a crew cut and a ferocious expression. My grandmother decided he had used up one of his lives jumping out of a German bomber because he was sick of the Nazis. She called him Fritz. He lived with her until 1960." (Leo Kelly)
2. "My Nana many years ago named her four newly arrived kittens Astral, Physical, Spiritual and Mental. Didn't mind calling out for the first three but always felt a bit silly calling the fourth one." (Damien)
3. "In the 1980s Cavalier, because she was nearly an All Black; Plaque, from the Aim toothpaste ad — when you picked her up you got 'that furry feeling'." (Judy Lawry)
"My parents, Neil and Janice Hudson, built and owned a John Gladden motorsailer named Taurima," writes Tania Dalbeth-Hudson. "She was 12 metres (40ft) in length, launched in December 1977 at Devonport, Auckland and sunk at Poor Knights in 1996. After she sank she was towed into Tutukaka by Grant Ogle Salvage. As far as we can work out Taurima then sat on a property above the Albany motorway for approximately five years then in 2000 or 2001 she was sold to someone in Tauranga. My 85-year-old father is desperate to know what happened to her and he would love to see her again as when she sank he was absolutely heartbroken. I would be really grateful if you could post this in the hope that some of your readers may be able to help."
Leaf blowers more than blowing in the wind
"I doubt very much that contractors were taking their leaf blowers for a walk," writes Paul. "Any maintenance standards for tracks always include removal of vegetation from the track surface after trackside vegetation is trimmed. This is to protect the track surface and drainage."