It was either Maya Angelou or '90s punk rock band The Offspring who posed the eloquent and urgent question: "Why don't you get a job?"
Wait. No. It was definitely The Offspring.
(Side note: It's so surprising that not one single track from their stellar back catalogue made it onto Rolling Stone's latest 500 Best Songs of All Time list. I'll say it: The Beatles are overrated. Give me "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" over "Hey Jude" any day.)
Anyway, the sentiment of the eternal hit "Why Don't You Get A Job?" was relevant upon it's release in 1998 and it still is today. Perhaps even more so. Who's it applicable to? Exclusively the deadbeats trying to make being a reality TV contestant a fulltime career.
Just when you think they've been eliminated off a show and evicted out of your life forever, they suddenly pop back up again on another show, like a cosmetically enhanced Whac-A-Mole.
One minute we're watching them glazed in sweat and day-drinking on an island while trying to find love. Next minute we're witnessing them decorate a house really badly. That's the case with those twins on The Block right now. Josh and Luke.
They first appeared on Love Island before ending up on the reno series and are the latest in a long line of professional contestants whose CVs are just becoming a roll call of reality freakshows. This week their names also sprung up on a leaked list of personalities who were allegedly rejected by the producers of the latest SAS Australia series.
Who were the other rumoured wannabe contestants? The Bachelor and Bachelor In Paradise's recurring troublemaker Ciarran Stott. Married At First Sight alum Ines Basic and Michael Brunelli (whose girlfriend Martha Kalifatidis made her own crossover from MAFS to Celebrity Apprentice this year).
Locky Gilbert — formerly of The Bachelor and two seasons of Survivor — was apparently also keen.
"Locky was (devastated) he didn't make the cut and was banking on appearing on the show because he loves a physical challenge and needs the cash!" the source told the So Dramatic podcast while revealing the list.
Cash-strapped? Bummer. If only there was something you could do during the day where you execute tasks and then get handed money for your service at the end. Oh well.
SAS Australia is one of the most intense programmes on television. This week, we watched as the celebrity contestants were teargassed and then locked in a car that was submerged underwater in a challenge called Death By Drowning.
It says a lot that these people would rather get tortured and drowned on TV for a quick buck than just stack shelves at Coles.
Also, the gall to think that, just because you were on some random dating show, you're now famous enough to go on SAS Australia. The extreme Channel 7 reality series is our nation's version of prestige TV.
America has all those fancy HBO shows. We have SAS Australia.
And the casting producers hold a high standard. If you're not the calibre of past contestant Schapelle Corby, then forget about it.
It's called quality control.
Dark side of Shelley Craft
Shelley Craft is really coming into her own.
She's been involved with Channel 9's The Block, along with Scotty Cam, for more than a decade but her role has always been mysterious.
You never know when or why she's gonna make an appearance. Weeks go by and we don't hear from her. Then, all of a sudden, she just makes a pointless cameo.
It's as if she signed a lifelong contract to be part of the programme but producers never really found a proper role for her so they just let her wander around the worksite every now and again so that at least she's doing something to justify her pay cheque.
But now — like, 17 years later — she's really stepping up.
Did you see her ripping into those cheaters the other week? Tanya and Vito. No one on that worksite can stand 'em. And when they saw Shelley swing by, they thought they were about to get some sympathy.
" … You've got to take responsibility for that, mate!" she snapped at them during the scolding.
"In 17 series of The Block, I have never seen anything like this!"
Then this week, she whirled through the building site again and started criticising the cheating couple's ugly planter that was made out of an old timber shipping pallet and a steering wheel.
She basically told them to cut it up and use it for scrap parts.
This is the Shelley we wanna see. More please.