Rose Matafeo: Inflight TV embarrassment

Be wary of watching shows like Game of Thrones on a flight.

Opinion

The range of inflight entertainment is often rather tragic, leaving travellers having to choose between bizarrely morbid movies or embarrassingly sexy TV shows, writes Rose Matafeo.

The first time I can remember getting on a plane was when I was 16, my first overseas trip as a (sort of) adult.

I remember being so excited for every bit of aeroplane 'business' that I was finally going to experience myself. Microwave-style meals. Unlimited Coca-Cola. A different kind of seat belt than the ones I was previously used to. And perhaps, my favourite of all the mediocre perks of flying - free movies.

In recent years I've become quite terrified of flying, with every tiny bump of turbulence prompting me to go through the five stages of grief in the space of about 30 seconds.

Surely not an uncommon fear. Surely.

Which is why I was surprised when, on my flight last month, I saw that Air NZ's inflight entertainment featured a documentary about death, hosted by Billy Connolly. A show entirely devoted to all things death and dying.

While it was a fantastic show and one I highly recommend, it did seem a rather strange choice. Why on earth are you, mysterious inflight entertainment curator, daring me to contemplate my own mortality while I'm thousands of feet in the air? What kind of cruel trick is this? Why not just go ahead and show a montage of my own life flashing before my eyes? Or perhaps that episode of Murder She Wrote where the guy gets murdered on a flight because someone wanted to steal his diamonds? (Another great piece of television that I can't recommend enough.)

Trapped in a small, confined space for 12 hours, you'll find yourself watching things you would never dream of watching on land. When you're in the air, it's as though you enter some sort of twilight zone where good taste ceases to exist and you find yourself watching four episodes of The Big Bang Theory in a row.

I usually try to stick to my guns and not compromise on my usually high standards* of entertainment.

(*see above, where I expertly reference a specific episode of the masterpiece television series Murder She Wrote.)

Unfortunately I almost always end up choosing a film or TV show that just happens to have a super sexy sex scene, which is my worst nightmare, as I am the most easily embarrassed person of all time. I have to sheepishly turn around and see if anyone can see what I'm watching.

One time I locked eyes with a middle-aged woman behind me who had clearly just seen me watch a rather graphic sex scene in Game of Thrones on my screen; only now do I realise that my prolonged eye contact with her must have seemed like some sort of strange challenge.

Sometimes I find myself doing that thing you do when you're a kid and you're watching TV with your parents when a sexy scene comes on - pretend to fall asleep. Immediately. Don't even feign drowsiness, just close your eyes and pretend to be asleep for the duration of the scene, then wake up again instantly when it's finished. (Pro tip: this never works.)

As much as I love and am obsessed with watching TV and movies, I have to stop. The next flight I'll be taking is in December and I'll be bringing with me some knitting and a book; not because I've changed, but because I know that if I don't, I will 100% end up watching Mrs Brown's Boys D'Movie. I can't let that happen.

- nzherald.co.nz