Raybon Kan: There is nothing like a Dame, and a Queen

Israeli actor Gal Gadot is a super Wonder Woman, in a film that is a female-directed triumph of feminisism. Photo / Supplied

What a weekend for women. The Queen (who rose to the rank of Queen, despite being a woman) had a birthday. And she gave out knighthoods in this part of her queendom, including one to Julie Christie.

How long before there's a reality show, where competitors compete to service some sector, and every week the Queen says to one of them: "You're knighted".

(Is it sexist to call the Queen the Queen? Should we use the word King for both? Monarch?)

Certainly, I don't think Dame sounds as cool as Sir.

I think women, when knighted, should be called Sir. Dame sounds derogatory, 1930s gangster style, something James Cagney would mutter, before correcting a lady with the butt of his gun.

And then of course: Wonder Woman.

While watching Wonder Woman this weekend, I wondered: would Wonder Woman win World War I? And once won, would Wonder Woman wed?

I watched Wonder Woman in 3D, because two dimensions are simply not enough to show all her extra dimensions: empathy, open-mindedness, and an impulse to goo-gah over babies.

Worry not: there are no spoilers in this piece, because nothing could spoil such a wonderful film. Wonder Woman believes in love, but that's not a spoiler. It's her womanifesto. And while she believes in love, her methods of persuasion are not of the Jesus or Dalai Lama kind.

Wonder Woman's belief in love is expressed by kicking the living peace accord out of anyone who disagrees with her. And by kicking, I mean killing. If the technology existed, she'd have filled body-bags by the morgue-full.

At first, she hesitates momentarily to take part in battle: but once one of her compatriots is struck down, oh boy, that's it: she's a one-woman weapon of war. Her belief in love, while strongly stated, knows no hope of individual redemption.

It doesn't matter if you were drafted, reluctantly, into the Kaiser's German army. Wonder Woman kills any man in German uniform, pausing only to look for the next.

In the last six months, I can think of three Hollywood films with a female hero: Moana, Beauty and the Beast, and Wonder Woman.

The first superhero movie to be directed by a woman, history will record Wonder Woman as the most significant film of the year, after Get Out. Moana was directed not by one, but TWO men. This is the level of sexism in Hollywood.

(And don't get me started on racism and white-washing. Right now, right here, in our very country, a TV show about Chinese mythology - Legend of the Monkey - is being produced with no Asian cast members. (Okay, one cast-member, who's half-Asian.) Seriously, why not call it Legend of the Honky?)

But back on topic. Beauty and the Beast, starring Emma (Hermione) Watson, pretty much instructs girls to marry the richest guy you meet, even if he's imprisoned you in his castle, behind bars, and isn't remotely of the same species. They might as well have called it Beauty and the Sugar Daddy.

Like any kept woman, Beauty chooses a loving, nurturing relationship with the household chattels - the enchanted candelabra, teapot and wardrobe - and of course, the castle's future capital gain.

Wonder Woman, on the other hand, elevates a female to the same status as Thor - a god - except Thor doesn't kill this many humans. Thor's fight is a family dispute. Wonder Woman, on the other hand, has left her paradise to save grubby humanity from itself, even if it means killing a ton of them, as an example to the rest.

Does it undermine feminism that this superhero is, to quote Zoolander, ridiculously good-looking?

Only beauty pageant winners have ever been cast. The 1970s Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter, was Miss World America; and Gal Gadot was Miss Israel.

Should Wonder Woman have been called Wonder Object? The costume is inherently like being judged in the swimsuit category, but male superheroes have to wear the spray-on outfit too.

Movie stars, whatever gender, tend to be ridiculously good-looking. Look at Thor, or the guys who've played Superman. Sean Connery was Mr Scotland.

But with Wonder Woman, the object of female beauty is no damsel. She's the one who climbs the tower, and when she does, she's there to steal a weapon.

My only quibble is that her costume includes high heeled boots, which seem impractical for athletics. Serena Williams doesn't wear high-heeled tennis shoes.

Then again, Wonder Woman's a god, so her ankles probably don't sprain. (Though, Achilles famously had heel problems.)