Paul Casserly: Off with his scalp

Trevor Mallard received a good scalping by John Campbell over ticket sales on Trade Me. Photo / NZ Herald

There's been some good scalping on television lately, most notably on Hell On Wheels (Soho, Sunday, 8.30pm).

It's not a biker show as the title might suggest but a western rail-baron affair which occasionally rises to the heights of Deadwood.

As the railway makes its way through Indian country the advanced party of surveyors are set upon by the natives, so naturally skin and hair will be separated from sculls. I like a good scalping me.

Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds was a scalper's paradise.

But last week the place to be was Campbell Live.

When Trevor Mallard turned up for a ritual down-trou following his misguided Trade Me sale of concert tickets, you could see the glee in Campbell's eyes.

Mallard, who was once the "minister of scalping", turned up and was expertly scalped by JC for scalping. It was a beautiful thing.

But being scalped by the politest man in broadcasting isn't to be given a bollocking that say a frothing Paul Holmes or a deputy-head masterly Mike Hosking might dish out. Nor is it the kind of testicular shrinking take-down you might receive from a Kim Hill or a Mary Wilson.

Campbell is a gentle killer, allowing the prey to essentially place his own head on the block.

"Dig your own grave" he seemed to be saying as Mallard, the ex minister of "do as I say," sheepishly sought refuse by bleating that the legislation he brought in was only to stop scalping at "major events" and not things like Homegrown, the NZ music festival he had bought the tickets to.

But there was no refuge to be had. As Campbell pointed out, Mallard also happens to be the guy who comes down hard on others who transgress.

But if there's another reason that Campbell's scalping of Mallard was so gentle it's because it wasn't really a very serious transgression.

He sold some tickets on Trade Me at a profit. Big deal. If only he wasn't the minister of 'not selling tickets on Trade Me'. Half way through there was glimmer of light in Mallard's eyes, it was the moment he briefly became self-aware.

Mallard: "It doesn't look too flash does it John?" "No" John agreed, "It doesn't."

Some stuff to consider this week.

Masterchef returns Tuesday, (TV One 7.30pm) and word is celebrity chef Rick Stein will turn up later in the season. Sadly no word on Anthony Bourdain.

Fresh from making a mark at cinemas, Gerard Smythe's superb film When a City Falls screens on the small screen this week (Wednesday, 7.30 TV3.

Smythe began filming just minutes after the first Christchurch quake and didn't stop for a year. You may think you're sick of quake stuff but this will prove you wrong.

Don't miss Bored to Death on Thursday (Soho, 8pm). It is a superb, if slow-moving comedy that's up there with the best. A mix of Seinfeld, Entourage and Black Books perhaps.

Jason Schwartzman, Zac Galifianakis and Ted Danson smoke pot and go on capers.

Danson also turns up this week as the new boss on CSI (TV3 Monday, 9.30pm).

If you're planning to come home late with a skinful on Friday then by all means check out Rude Awakenings (TV1, 12.15am). It's of historical and hysterical significance.

It's about a bunch of Ponsonby tossers and their feral neighbours that screened some years back. It's a kind of anti gentrification campaign disguised as a dramady.

Sample dialogue: Son: "Funny, isn't it mum, all the houses so close together and we don't know anyone."

Meanwhile dad is looking at the Herald property pages - the ad says "Kumeu, Privacy and Space".

He wants out, and when you meet his wife, played by an OTT Danielle Cormack, you'll want to join him.