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Opinion
Home / Entertainment

Sideswipe: May 28: If 2020 was an avocado

Ana Samways
Opinion by
Ana Samways
Sideswipe - ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz·NZ Herald·
27 May, 2020 05:00 PM2 mins to read

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2020 is all seed, no fruit.

2020 is all seed, no fruit.

Year of the rat

As restaurants across America closed during the coronavirus pandemic, rats have become more aggressive as they hunt for new sources of food, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warned. "The rats are not becoming aggressive toward people, but toward each other," Bobby Corrigan, an urban rodentologist said.
Corrigan said the rodents were "simply turning on each other" after being deprived of food and waste generated by restaurants that closed during the crisis. He advised residents at home to store rubbish in tightly covered bins and to keep pet and food inside. "And look at the base of your door. Get out a ruler to see if there's a space below the door — half an inch will let them in."

Unsolicited advice

"Never miss a chance to go for a wee…I had a choir practice, in a group of 200-plus people, and I sat right in the middle where there was no leg room to leave. Right before the rehearsal, I thought - I should use the restroom. Then, I thought - nah, I'm good. 3 1/2 hrs later, I'm sweating, nearly crying because I have to go so bad. I prayed so hard for my bladder to be sustained. I was finally able to waddle to a toilet, and had a moment of pure ecstasy. Summary: Never pass up the chance to use the restroom."

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More unsolicited advice

"At the beginning of every relationship agree to assume positive intent — meaning: 'If I say something that can be taken two ways, and one of those ways makes you angry or sad, I meant the other one.' Talk about it often, don't forget about it and make it the most important rule. Fights will be less, empathy will be greater and your relationship will be stronger."

How big is a billion

Simon conceptualises one billion: "Imagine a metre rule with a thousand mm marked on it. Now imagine one square metre. That is a million mm squares. Now imagine a cubic metre floating in front of you. A billion mm cubes." Argh! My tiny mind is blown.

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Sideswipe: Beardy weirdness

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Sideswipe: May 25: The ironists are coming

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