SPOILER ALERT: If you've not seen tonight's episode of The Bachelorette NZ and want to do so without knowing anything of the foibles of the blokes vying for the affections of Bachelorettes Lesina Nakhid-Schuster and Lily McManus, do not even think about reading on.

Hey, can we steal you for a second? Because The Bachelorette NZ was back on our screens tonight. SINEAD CORCORAN recaps the action.

Let's kick things off with a hissing and a roaring cocktail party where Jonathan abysmally failed to Read The Room and told Lily of all people that he's keen to knock her up ASAP.

"Yeah I'd be keen to have kids in a year or two ay," he told the terrified 22-year-old whose response was to be expected.


"A YEAR OR TWO!?!?" she shrieked back in his face.

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It was clear from here on out than Clucky Jonny was on his last Argentinian legs.

Halfway through this trainwreck Jesse tried to swoopylala in and whisk Lily away to safety but horror of horrors Clucky Johnny shooed him off because he Wasn't Quite Done Here Thanks.

The first time Jesse tried to swoop, Lily politely joined in on the shooing, but by the second attempt she basically leaped across the table to get away from Clucky Jonny – I'm quite certain she had actually texted him under the table and begged him to come back.

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Later on in the cocktail party things went from a bit awkward to downright grim when Tavita showed off his burgeoning hernia to the woman he's attempting to woo.

As by this point I'm assuming Lesina is everyone's registered GP – she then proceeded to PUSH DOWN ON IT in an attempt to shrink it? Burst it? I truly have no idea but I personally found it reason enough to warrant a broadcasting standards authority complaint.

Meanwhile, it appears that Halensteins has upped the wardrobe budget because all the lads have donned swiffy new plaid blazers which kind of make them all look like the used-car salesman dad from Matilda.


When it came time for the rose ceremony, Lily picked Flynn, Quinn and Limm (Okay, Liam) to stay on her team and Lesina chose Steve, Aaron, Tavita and George – meaning Clucky Johnny was being shipped off back to the homeland to try find somewhere else to sow his seed.

Despite the fact that they'd shared barely a wink of screen time - Lesina cried her eyes out about Johnny being sent home, but as we all know Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, and surely the human body is not conditioned to do it night after night for weeks on end so this meltdown is very fair enough.

By the next morning however we've all forgotten about Johnny, bless his soul, because the gals are embarking on An Amazing Race-esque treasure hunt with their single date plus-one's Flynn and Tavita.

Two exhausted people who were not aware they apparently signed up for The Amazing Race. Photo / Supplied
Two exhausted people who were not aware they apparently signed up for The Amazing Race. Photo / Supplied

Everyone appears to be absolutely shattered by this point and no one can really be effed scavenging around the city while trying to use google maps and google translate consecutively so the efforts are a bit half-hearted and everyone's a bit crap.

Thankfully they get to end the hunt at a bougee-looking sushi restaurant with a bougee-er speakeasy out the back – but while they're all getting delightfully sloshed on cocktails there is DRAMA back at the mansion.

Is this the new Glenn? Time will tell. Photo / Supplied
Is this the new Glenn? Time will tell. Photo / Supplied

Aaron's been busted bitching about all the boys (amazing alliteration if I do say so myself, thank you) during his Big Brother-esque diary cam, because he had the incredible idea of filming it on his balcony directly above Logan's room.


Logan's obviously narked on him to the rest of the lads who are understandably miffed – and as this is Aaron's second time being a blabbermouth he is obviously FREAKING out that he's starting to get a rep as the class snitch. The episode ends with him crying into his hands, but chin up Aaron – if you get sent home next episode I reckon you've got a great career ahead of you as a bitchy TV recapper.

Tune in to The Bachelorette NZ again on Sunday night at 7.00pm, and in the meantime subscribe to the official Bachelorette podcast, Can I Steal You For A Second – hosted by yours truly and my wing-woman Anna Henvest. Plus, follow along with us on Instagram for all our behind the scenes vids.