Sideswipe: February 15: Stay in that closet

Stay in that closet. Act Leader hands these out at the Big Gay Out.

Baby on board

Ladies, you are just an incubator for a parasite.

Oklahoma House Representative Justin Humphrey says he sees any pregnant woman as "the host". Speaking to The Intercept about his endorsement of abortion laws which would, for example, require any woman seeking an abortion to get permission from the man who impregnated her, Humphrey also said this: "I understand that they feel like that is their body. I feel like it is a separate - what I call them is, you're a 'host'. And you know when you enter into a relationship you're going to be that host and so, you know, if you pre-know that, then take all precautions and don't get pregnant. So that's where I'm at. I'm like, hey, your body is your body and be responsible with it. But after you're irresponsible then don't claim, well, I can just go and do this with another body, when you're the host and you invited that in."

Exit strategy

"I caught a bus to Symonds Street the other day," writes Peter. "As I swiped my hop card to disembark, the door failed to open. Eventually the driver called out, 'Sorry, my back way is not functioning properly today.' I called back, 'Have you tried prunes'?" He laughed.

Today's malapropisms

1. My sister-in-law always seasons her food with canine pepper.

2. My boss speaks about open casket mining.

3. My husband was feeling a wee bit tired and said he might need to siesta. My young daughter Chelsea innocently asked, "who is Esther?"

4. My sister emails me each week with an update of her life in Brisbane and there's almost always a statement that makes me smile; today's is:"Trevor needed to buy more vege plants because the caterpillars have desecrated his present plants."

5. Many years ago I knew a person who went to see the film Dr Zhivago. It was so lovely they played this beautiful song on a balaclava.

Use extension lead properly, mate

This is why you should always fully unroll your extension lead, people. "This extension lead was not unwound and the coil turned into a heater, with no way for the heat to dissipate," explains a reader. "Most electricians won't use this kind of extension lead exactly for this reason."

Read this: "It's said that one should not speak ill of the dead, but the family of Leslie Ray "Popeye" Charping of Galveston, Texas doesn't play by the rules," writes Death & Taxes. "After enduring decades of abusive behaviour, the original obituary they submitted for Charping was just a long, brutal roast of what appears to be a genuinely bad person."

Video: BBC Earth series The Blue Planet, captures the beautiful bioluminescent squid perform a colour changing mating ritual.

Got a Sideswipe? Send your pictures, links and anecdotes to Ana at ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz